Saturday, July 14, 2012

Silliness for your Saturday

Good morrow, Putas.

Are you having a bummer week?  Are you waiting for some Doctor to call you about your scrambled eggs, someone's spooj, the result of some horrible test where yet another needle or wand was put into your nooners?  Are you taking a post-coital break, trying to will yourself to do it, yet again?  Waiting to pee on anything or anyone?

Look no further.  I will distract.  Distract!  ::jazz hands::

I'm going to show you something and you will not be able to stop looking.

My friend posted a link to this website on Fertilebook a few days ago.  Did I have things to do?  Yes.  But I clicked on it, and it was as though someone waved the worlds shiniest, largest pendulum in my face thereby hypnotizing me, and instantly whisking me away to a land of deliciously awful.  An hour later I came to, unsure of what I had seen, but a different woman, somehow...

You cannot understand the beauty simply by my description, but in short, it is some brilliant person's collection of the most awful profile bits from OK Cupid.


If you don't, I'm afraid we'll grow apart as people.

And remember, folks, whatever issues you are having in the world of infertile, let's all be thankful the solution to our woes doesn't involve an online dating profile.  Give me a needle or a wand in my nooner over any of these applicants any day of the week.

And now, a picture of a pug going down a slide.

So listen up, girls.

You have so little time to send me a secret.  I'm going to post them tomorrow.  Do it.  Do it now!  (Or do it after you come back from being entranced by all the wonderful men of OKCupid, who are all, apparently, very eager to share with you their oral sex skills).

So easy.

  1. Think of secret, and type.
  2. Send to me.
  3. Include how you would like said secret to be signed.
  4. Disgusting share fest.

Or so help me G-d I will blow up your newsfeed with those sad Sarah McLachlan animal commercials.


  1. I've actually seen some of these on another website but the rest are great. I LURVE a good laugh on the internet. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Ok, ok I'm trying to think of a secret, but I'm sitting by the pool and I'm slightly intoxicated and all I can really think about is how I'm going to bed DH since O is approaching. BTW, BEST THREAT EVER!! I an truly terrified! And, I'm stealing it!

    1. Think, woman, think! You are intoxicated and near a pool - you can do so many share-worthy things RIGHT NOW!

      I have literally nearly broken my wrist trying to get to the remote fast enough to change the channel from that commercial.

  3. Omg, that link! Pure joy!! Cheers for that!!

    PS- have you seen the willie nelson SPCA commercials? Even worse!

    1. I have heard literally the first two seconds of that commercial. I now make sure the volume remote is on me at all times, and always explain to the dogs & cat "Those are acting animals - they were thrilled to get a job where they could show their range".

  4. I AM having a bummer week. How did you know?? I have seen this blog before and it's hilarious. Makes me so grateful I do not and did not ever have to endure online dating. I can't decide which would be worse...the prospect of dating any of those people or actually being one of those people. So yay for making me realize how great my life currently is (despite all the infertility nonsense)!

  5. That pug just made me snort tea.

  6. Oh man, this blog is better than drugs LOL