Well, fuck me. I have been trying to find new clothes now for the past week and a half. The only place I have found clothes in the last few months are at this little boutique where the clothes are overpriced but the woman who owns it confuses me with her lovely Persian accent and her compliments. Damn her.
So I've been attempting to re-commit myself to finding clothes at chain stores. Namely the embodiment of all things evil, the mall.
In case you were wondering, there are currently 2 1/2 choices for looks in chain store fashion right now:
- 12 year old baby prostitute.
- Mother of 12 who has just given up on life.
What is the 1/2, you say? Ahh, apparently they are bringing Kelly Kapowski back as a possible look. You know, tight fitting floral shirts, brightly colored pants (today I saw turquoise jeans with giant white polka dots), overall shorts (again, floral), way too many varieties of paw-printed.
Nobody is going to want to sex me up in clothes like that. And while we're at it if they're going to bring the worst things from 1993 back surely the world is ready for a Color Me Badd reunion.
Help me gawd, help me gays... Goodbye Forever 21, let me know when you start a sister store called Forever 27 or Forever Fat.
I brought Mr. T with me last Friday and he put in a solid effort of trying to wrestle me into trying on clothes. (I haaaaate shopping after about an hour. I know, I know, it's no wonder I can't get pregnant as I am clearly missing some crucial woman genes). We eventually gave up and re-dedicated ourselves to finding me an outfit that would make me look like the bumble bee girl from the Blind Melon video. Tragedy of all tragedies, this was not at all difficult to accomplish.
I did, however, have some random sneaky person stick this on my purse while I was shopping and I thought it was lovely. Cheesy? Yes. But much like Kelly Kapowski, the cheesiness did not prevent me from smiling:
I stuck it on a bathroom door in the mall to hopefully bring someone a little cheer when their only mall related success has been successfully fending off people jumping out of kiosks and trying to sell you super duper, life-changing, and it's only $100 hair products.
So in my pre-holiday craziness I am hopping on here to catch up on blogs, and just to let you know that I will evidently be spending the holidays visiting my in-laws naked or in leggings.
Because I'm pregnant? A Pervert? Both? No. Because I do not wish to wear clothes that make me look and feel like an Easter themed cheese stuffed sausage.
And while we're on the subject of religion and cheese, I will leave you with a very serious, very religious mouse.