Saturday, October 20, 2012

Sunny vs. Sinister

Happy Saturday, my little swashbucklers!

You should be jealous of me right now.  What?  Yes you should.  Last night I had a blind date.  No no, not the Ashley Madison kind, the infertile kind.

I got to meet Sunny from Cease and Decyst.  BOOM.  Drink it in.

I imagine when meeting someone off the interwebs a part of you wonders if
  1. this is in fact going to be a middle-aged serial killer or
  2. just want to share with you that if you simply donated $10,000 to their pyramid and believed wholeheartedly in the spiritual enlightenment of a bald man passing out flowers on Hollywood Blvd, you, too, could be a member of their cult get pregnant.
So it is with my delight that I can officially put my Storkiest Stamp of approval on Miss Sunny, who could not be more awesome if she tried.  She is of a Rockstar status in the mind of Stork and I would genuinely pursue her as a friend with creepy zeal whether or not we had shittiness in common (and we do, which makes it even more awesome).

I now highly recommend overlooking any of the above mentioned fears in getting together with a local infertile and doing it.  It is fucking liberating to be in the presence of someone who is equally pissed off about the very existence of children whilst simultaneously scheming how to create one.

We ate at a cute little 50's diner that I had never been to and discussed, among other things, porn, jerking off into a cup and let's face it, the greatest series of all time, To Catch a Predator.  (And if you are unfamiliar with that series, do yourself a favor and tune into MSNBC on a Sunday - which seems to be sex predator Sunday - it will either be documentaries on sex slaves or reruns of the aforementioned awesomeness).

Then, and I take full credit/blame for this, we wedged ourselves among hoards of teenagers (a healthy reminder - try as we might to get babies, everyone fucking sucks at that age with few exceptions) and saw Sinister.  My darling, brave Sunny was frightened during the previews... I of course took the high road and hid behind a popcorn bag.

Ahh, and for those of you who do not want to see this movie I'll sum it up for you (without any major spoilers).
  1. Happy family moves into house.
  2. Man wears sweater with suede elbow patches.
  3. Sidenote - the post-Uma years have not been kind to Mr. Ethan Hawke.
  4. Man finds movies of murders.
  5. Man still wears sweater.
  6. Shit gets bananas.
  7. No.. seriously... weeks go by and he's still in this sweater.
Let me again make my case for those of you who don't like horror movies - in short, the moral of all horror movies is that nothing good can come of having children easily.  It's basically an open invitation for demons, little girl ghosts, and your possible dismemberment. (Also, in this instance, the moral would also be to do your laundry every once in awhile).

ANYHOO.

I adore her, be jealous of me, go read her if you're not already because I don't know what you could possibly otherwise be doing with your life.

And I will mention this again when it's not the weekend and more people are reading - but we're going to plan an outing for anyone remotely local and infertile, probably next month.  Something infertile friendly, like dinner and drag queens.

And now, a-la writing prompts, a little something about my Grandmother.

How do I describe her.... She is like, the elderly female Mexican version of Ron Swanson if you took away his hunting and woodwork.


She is both no-nonsense, and absolutely ludicrous.

Some Grandma facts:
  • She calls my Grandpa "viejo" (old man) and will tell anyone that will listen that he drives her insane.
  • Despite approaching 90, she still rides the scary rides at Disneyland and calls those who don't 'a bunch of chickens'.
  • She was visiting us once when I was 9 and I got a very bad splinter on the bottom of my foot.  She spent an hour removing it - with a butcher knife - and told me 'not to be such a chicken'.
  • Until recently she made menudo (no not the boy band, a mexican soup which is the end-all be-all cure for hangovers) every Sunday for our entire family. And there are a lot of us.  We like to mate. Mexican rabbits, I say.
  • She will feed you whether or not you're hungry and take it as a personal attack if you don't eat.  Also?  That part that you don't eat - that's the best part.
  • She once lost her glasses for a few days, accused everyone in the family of treason, and then discovered they were in a salad bowl in the fridge.
  • One of her favorite words is shit.

Yes indeed folks, this is the stock I come from.  I want to be her when I'm an old lady.

Tomorrow I am posting the list of participants and questions for Mondays video!  Last chance - don't be a bunch of chickens.

May your Saturday be heavy on the Sunny and light on the Sinister.


30 comments:

  1. I am suitably envious, green and also really rather jealous about your date. why oh why wasn't I there. humph.

    Dinner and drag queens! Oh oh oh oh! Maybe you could skype me in?! Ha ha.

    I want to meet your gran almost as much a I want you to meet mine but not quite as much as I want them to meet each other.

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    Replies
    1. My darling Em I am going to figure out a way to get your British butt out here if it KILLS ME.

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    2. I concur wholeHARTedly! We've gotta find a way to get you out here!!

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  2. Glad you two got to meet. Haven't watched that particular show as of yet. Way too much for me to do around here.

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    Replies
    1. Ha! It's from like, 2006.. It is wonderfully awful. Should you ever catch it you will realize I am a sick, sick individual. ;)

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  3. Awe, I've met a few bloggers and each time has been wonderful! I'm so glad you two made the date.

    But, I hate horror movies. And you can't change my mind, even with funny descriptions of odd sweater wearing men. I haven't seen one in the theater since high school. I only watch them during the day, in my living room and I put the TV on mute during the scary parts. I am kind of lame though :)

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    1. It was my first time! My bloggy cherry popped. I was kind of hoping to get felt up but this will save something for the second date.

      I will change your mind! Seriously, the scariest part is THE SWEATER. It was in every scene. It should've had lines and gotten a check from SAG.

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  4. Saw Sinister last night and wanted to add that when crazy-@ss spooktastic stuff is going on, it is imperative that you creep around the house without turning on a single light. Simply will not do, even if you live with a family of narcoleptics who sleep through you crashing through the ceiling. Thank goodness for the teeny tiny flashlight.

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    Replies
    1. Right? I mean TURN ON A LIGHT. When I'm having paranormal experiences I like nothing more than to bump around my house quietly in the dark.

      Also, if I was his wife, I would have MURDERED HIM. Movie over. Woman kills husband for being a prick.

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  5. I love, love, love it!!! I was just Thinking that I need to meet you next time I'm in LA, that I also need to meet Sunny and then I realized you two live in the same town and thought you should totally meet!!!!! Awesome! So glad it went well and it was such a positive experience for you. Love you both!

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    1. Oh you are coming to dinner and drag queens. OH YOU ARE COMING. If we have to kidnap you as G-d is my witness you are coming.

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    2. Freaking love this. LOVE IT.

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    3. YES I AM TOTALLY COMING. Let me see what the timing of my cycle looks like and I may actually be able to make your November meet up. I'm trying to go down for a few days Vet's Day weekend, which also happens to be an Infertile's marathon right????

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  6. JEALOUS. Lucky Stupid Stork and lucky Sunny! Seriously, though I am so happy you guys got to meet. I must find some infertile bloggers in my area ASAP.

    Also, your grandmother = awesomeness.

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    Replies
    1. DO IT.

      Also, indeed my grandmother is awesome. But also scary. Mostly scary.

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  7. Whaaaaaat?!? So jealous! You two are, like, basically the funniest IF bloggers out there, so I imagine there was a lot of dry humour to go with that greasy diner food. Perfect combo. :)

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    1. It wassss the perfect combo! where do you live, Ms. Vanessa? Not in Cali, mayhaps?

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  8. What if I was an infertile middle aged serial killer, would you still meet me then?

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    Replies
    1. YES. But I would bring a gun. Where are you located, my pet?

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  9. Ha! Your Gran sounds exactly how I envision myself in 50ish years...simply awesome :)

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  10. We loved Sinister. Saw Paranormal Activity 4 today. It was disappointing in a sense that I will have no trouble falling asleep. The third was so scary.

    Glad you got to meet Sunny and love your grandma's description!

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    1. I'm still tempted to go see it - I looooved the first paranormal activity, and even the second one... the third I didn't like too much (maybe I should re-watch?) so I'm tempted to see Paranormal 4. Tempted.

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  11. Ohhhhh!!!! I am jealous. I had a fellow infertIle offer to meet up and I freaked out. Not because I was scared, but because I was worried she wouldn't like me....yeah and she's been a follower of my blog since very early on, I think she knows me by now...

    I love your grandma!!! Omg so cute. I miss mine!!

    I am now going to check out your date's blog

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  12. Hurry up with the questions. It's tomorrow in Australia already.

    Also if I go to your hometown prepare to be stalked. I will be the one carrying a bush to hide behind

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  13. Infertile Fridays are my new favorite tradition in the making. I am SO happy to have met you. YOU RULE. And this blog entry makes me grin from ear to ear. Aside from my paranoid Sinister-induced mental break after coming home to my darkened creaking house, the evening was AWESOME. Thank you for letting me use your arm as a shield. Next stop, drag Bingo!

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  14. Your grandma and mine would have made great friends! She sounds amazing!

    I need to create a video, but Im afraid I will look like Honey Boo Boo's mom. Thanks for the extra 30 pounds infertility! I'd probably be better off linking to facebook. I'm bashful.

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  15. Total awesomeness that you got to meet a blogger in person. Unfortunately I have not many that live right near me who would want to meet me. If I am every in sunny Cali, you bet your bottom dollar that I am going to be looking you up my dear.

    Also your Grandma sounds like one cool diva. She sounds like someone who would be fun to have a beer with!

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  16. I will be making a 9-hour drive (one way) this weekend to celebrate my grandma's 90th birthday! Her actual birthday is on the 29th of October. Despite being nearly 90 and having been diagnosed with leukemia like 15 years ago, nothing slows her down. She just goes and goes all the time. In fact, she was living with my aunt (her daughter) until about two weeks ago when she up and rented herself her own apartment without telling anyone. She definitely has a mind of her own!

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