Thursday, October 4, 2012

Stars in the Sky

(I am cheating... I wrote this yesterday, blogger went wonky, reverted it to draft)...

Nobody move.

It is a loverly 72 degrees outside... This is quite literally the first day in months - months & months & months! - where all Los Angelians have not apparently gone outside and exhaled chili-breath in unison making it 4,000 degrees outside.

This is The Future Fords.  I do not remember how she came into my bloggy life or when, but she is lovely.  If you are unfamiliar, go check her out - thus far in my short bloggy life, she has won the grand prize for the post title that made me the happiest upon seeing it in my newsfeed, "I have an STD and I couldn't be happier!"  

Do you love her yet?  Good. 

Anyhoodle, if you haven't picked up on it yet in your own newsfeed - she's doing an October writing prompt thingamajig.  Go join. It's no muss no fuss, one question a day to throw in as you please, and Stork loves a good writing prompt.

Today's writing prompt is actually to post a video - a video! - which depending on pain pills, my jaw and the alignment of the stars in the sky I will do sometime between today and Monday.  (That's right folks... In my previous post I have a picture of myself soon to be taken down - and you will soon be subjected to Stork's fat in motion).  I feel horribly self conscious in front of any kind of camera.. A year ago I had to have head shots taken for a job and it was literally 3 good shots and 300 of me trying not to laugh.  I give you one of the good results which will soon be replaced by a ridiculous picture, and you can hopefully keep in your head for when you see my video, and think to yourself  "dang, live, she really looks like Rodney Dangerfield..."

The first three questions, which I missed - 

What is your astrological sign and do you feel it's accurate?
Capricorn, and not really.

I admittedly have little knowledge in the zodiac department, but from what I understand they are the most serious, responsible, disciplined, patient and ambitious of all the signs.

I dunno if you put it together or not, but I'm not that serious.  Serious makes me die a little bit.  My response to all serious situations is to throw in goof.

Ambitious, responsible, patient, disciplined.. Hmm... I have some high hopes for myself, but if I someday reach the top of my career it will be because someone wrangled in my creativity.  Ask my writing partner Ms. Kali.  I am great at coming up with creative ideas and I rely on her for the discipline.  My writing process does not involve sitting down with a rigid schedule.  I do completely unrelated shenanigans, funny stuff pops into my head, I write it down later.  If someday we win an oscar for a screenplay, it'll be because I had some crazy idea while I was picking out vegetables and she successfully wrangled me onto a computer.

Patience?  I have none.  Well, I have the waiting in line, giving people a break patience but I wouldn't consider myself a patient person.

I think I definitely have mastered the 'unemotional' side of Capricorn's and am the friend you would call in to take care of you when the shit has really hit the fan.  That's my strong suit.

Bub is also a Capricorn and I think he fits it to a T - super ambitious, disciplined, etc.. If you met him you might think he's serious but obviously he's redonkulous or he would've hurled my ass out long ago.

I doooo relate more to the Aquarians, I think, they're a bit nuttier - and I'm just a couple days short of being one.  Plus I think I'm a Capricorn by western standards only so maybe I'm supposed to be looking at this from an eastern point of view?

How did your Husband propose?
Well, we kind of had already decided to get married - we're mellow like that - so there was no coreographed dance routine, costumes, or hiding of jewelry in an omelette. 

Twas December 2005, we had been together a month shy of two years, and we'd moved from the east coast to our shoebox sized apartment in West Hollywood (still my favorite place I'd ever lived) five months before.  

My Dad (who passed away 8 months before I met Bub) left me a diamond that had been in his family since the early 1900's.  I always wanted it as my engagement ring, and when I met Bub I thought him getting that diamond would be the closest he'd ever get to asking my Dad's permission. Plus it's a decent enough size where the cost to get it fit into a ring was about the same as buying a new engagement ring.  Unknown to me, Bub asked my Mom for it, they went and had it fit (and I remember him saying he was so nervous driving the 90 minutes back with it, and that he really did feel like it was him asking my Dad's permission).

Anyhoo, he told me he had an early Christmas present for me, shoved me in our bathroom and blindfolded me.  He lit some candles, let me out to our couch, got down on one knee and asked.  Our cats kept interrupting, their were Christmas decorations everywhere, I was in my pajamas - it was very us.  A blurry pic of my sausage fingers the day after - 

I love it so much.  From certain angles it looks white, from others yellow, sometimes blue... I don't wear it often because it makes me a smidge nervous but when I do, I feel like I have a great big star on my hand, courtesy of the most important men in my life.

What is your most embarrassing moment?
Oh lawdy... I don't really embarrass that easily.  I don't know if this is my most embarrassing but Mr. T & I were talking about it the other day so here goes.

I farted on a woman's shoulder in a restaurant.

Okay so Mr. T & I's faaaaavorite place to get breakfast is called the Griddle Cafe.  If the food wasn't so good it would be obnoxious - middle of West Hollywood, full of hipsters & celebrity stalkers (they even have an obnoxious little room for the famous), very tiny building, super loud, endlessly crowded.  (As in - if you wanted to go early-early on a saturday morning, there would be 40 people waiting outside).

But I'm telling you - it is the best fucking breakfast food you have ever had in your life.

Case and point - Bubella loves it as well.  During her visit she ordered this - I give you red velvet pancakes.

ANYHOO.  It's so tiny and crowded that when you don't get a booth (and you won't) you are sitting practically on top of the people next to you - so close that it's awkward not to talk to them.

I'm normally an excellent fart muffler, but this was one of those ones where you have a second or two of warning, tops.  So we were getting up from our table, my ass was on top of the woman's shoulder who was sitting next to us, and I farted.  Thankfully it was so noisy there's no way even she could've heard it - so I figured I had a good 5 seconds before the fumes hit, so I gave Mr. T my best "we have to leave immediately" face and I was gone before she knew what happened.

Oh for shame.

In other news, tomorrow we have an appointment with the RE to discuss next steps... Which is basically hopefully getting Bub out to Boston to get a super duper fancy test to hopefully shed some light on poor fertilization.  So hopefully we'll get him in and have a little more information beforehand, or we'll do IVF again blind - thinking January.

So here's hoping to a conception in the month-o-Capricorn.


  1. I love your posts! They make me laugh when I feel like crap. Gracias!

  2. When I was little, maybe 5, I was talking to my mum's friend. I was simultaneously holding one of our cats. I farted. Loud. It took me by surprise and I blamed it on the cat. My sister then called me out and blasted me in front of a room of people. Everyone should have a fart story. It builds character.

    1. FARTS BUILD CHARACTER. I DIE. Can I get a bumper sticker or a t-shirt with that on it?

  3. I am simultaneously drooling over that red velvet pancake and a bit grossed out from your "most embarrassing story." You descibe it so vividly, it's like it's my shoulder. ;)

    Good luck in Boston! Hope you get more answers than questions.

    1. If you lived remotely close, I could act it out for you. Give you the 3D experience. ;)

      Thank you lovely! Here's hoping..

  4. Fart muffler. Hilarious!!!! P.S. I want to eat that pancake. P.P.S. you are b-e-a-utiful!

  5. Yeah, I don't really buy that you only got three good photos from that shoot. You're gorgeous, lady.

    Love the ring story. It made me a little teary and sniffle-y.

    Those pancakes look soooooo good. *puts Griddle Cafe on bucket list*

    Good luck with the appointment tomorrow!

  6. I will do my best to read your writing prompts....and as a follower you would think I would jump on that train, but like EmHart's photo challenge...I would be too hard on myself to write or photograph something ridiculously I'll just follow along with yours...

    Embarrassing...yes, definitely, however, I think it would have been worse has she smelt what you dealt before you were able to run away....and I still blame them on the dog...even if the dogs aren't with us.

    Love the romantic proposal....perfectly it should be!

    And you're beautiful....there is no Rodney to be seen in you at all....but I swear I could listen to EmHart read those words over and over...but I would have her say things like fart or dumbs or effer, because well it just sounds so proper :)

    Can't wait for your VLOG!

    1. ps now I really want red velvet pancakes!

    2. Maybe everyone should submit rude or silly words they want recorded in my voice. I would have you all say Graham, bowl and half because those always make me giggle.

  7. Hmm, a Capricorn, huh? My sons were supposed to be born under Aquarius but came early, so I am now raising two Capricorns. I am an Aries myself, and I have often thought how well that sign fits me. . . except that Arians are supposed to be athletic, and I am decidedly not.

    I always enjoy your posts. And I love your photo!

  8. I think it is lovely that you have that ring to link your two special men. Kitt and my father have the same Christian name and I love that.

    I am with Sams, it felt like my shoulder.

    I am rather excited about your vlog. I want more vlogs, it is so lovely hearing everyone's voices.

  9. OK, I think my embryos NEED that Red Velvet you think they'd deliver to Canada? Loved the proposal story and your ring is gorgeous!

  10. You seriously have the most entertaining posts out there, my dear. You keep me guessing and laughing on a regular basis. Love the fart story. So glad it was noisy in there. Hopefully it smelled funky too. :-o Bubba is going to be in my neck of the woods possibly! Let me know (email me) if he does come out here and I can recommend some good places for him to visit up while he is here!

  11. Any kind of craving I began to have for red velvet pancakes was instantly turned into a terrible revulsion as I kept reading.

    Lovely proposal story, especially the connection between the family diamond and Bubba's feeling like he was asking your dad's permission by using it. That brought a tear to my eye.

  12. Your post made me chuckle. The ring is sweet knowing that it from both your dad and husband.