Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Big Bird: Charming Puppet, or Marxist?

Happy Tuesday, my little baked treats!

I spent the morning at my regular ObGyn's - who I haven't seen in ages.  He is on Rodeo drive in Beverly Hills - read: uber fancy.  This provides many moments of hilarity during each appointment - today, a woman wearing high heeled sneakers (yup) boarded the elevator, which I was in the back of, did not look up from her phone and asked me to press the floor button she was right next to.  (Apparently, Stork gives off an air of elevator-man, even without my top hat and tail coats).  I also have to suffer the indignity of having a man valet park my 10,000 year old car full of trash (seriously - my house is clean, but my car is like the saddest episode of Hoarders, ever) and then charge me $16 (!!!!), which I'm assuming will at least cover the shots he'll have to get as a result of the experience.

I do bust out my engagement ring for the occasion only because without it, by comparison to these women, I look like I wandered out of the dumpster downstairs because I heard there was an office where men in lab coats would grope me.

I went in because I've been having off and on mild pain in one of my boobs (in, around, under). He told me I'm one of his favorite patients because I make him giggle (it's my defense mechanism, makes things less awkward - even though it's disconcerting to have a man laugh in the face of your vagina).  He poked my boobs and said there was nothing that suggested anything was wrong (proud of myself because I didn't google this - google is basically typing in any symptom under the sun and waiting for the word CANCER to pop up dripping blood).  So off to get a sonogram I go in a few days - I probably pulled a muscle.

(Anyone remember "Unbreakable"?  Apparently I'm like Samuel L. Jackson's character where my entire body is just made of glass.  Though I do have slightly better hair keep in mind I can do the bug-eye Jackson stare with the best of them).

I do not wish to discuss this today, however.  Today, I wish to discuss Big Bird.


I am done with this election. Done.  My feelings for 'undecided voters' as of this point in time can be summed up in an SNL skit, with a series of undecided voters looking into the camera and asking such earnest, unanswered questions as "when is this election?"  "Can women vote?" "How long is a presidential term?  If it's for life I'm not comfortable with that."

As I have mentioned on this blog before, I am one of those evil bleeding heart California liberals.

Before you disown me and join the valet man in getting shots to hopefully undo your exposure, a few things to hopefully keep you digging me:
  1. I am open minded on all issues other than the gays (because it's so silly I can't even believe we have to have a discussion) and lurve me some republicans.
  2. My Mom's an independent, my Dad was a republican (but an agnostic, fiscal republican - he did switch sides the last election he was around for) and my sister's a socialist.  No, but like, a real one. I dig me some variety.
  3. I think John McCain, for example, is an amazing, good man.  Had it been another year and had he not  tapped Palin (honestly I would've been less offended if they just had a picture of a vagina run for VP to try to get my vote) I may have voted for him.
  4. I dig me the fiscally responsible side of the republican party.  When it's about differences in money, I get it.
  5. I fully embrace and support the idea that people are allowed to dislike this President, G-d knows I wasn't a fan of President Bush.  More power to you, express yourself.  It's when it's thinly veiled racism that it gets me - and you know what?  Had I ever met President Bush in person, I would have called him President Bush and shown him some respect because despite differences, he was the fucking President of the United States.
So this whole big bird thing is silly.

If I let myself get completely paranoid and irrational, my fear becomes that Mitt Romney wants to chop up big bird into little pieces, serve him in sandwich form at Chik-Fil-A to fuel up the men who will inevitably storm up my driveway with torches and battering rams, prepared to go into my uterus and verify that it's full of Jesus and Patriotism.

I can usually talk myself down from this.

Usually.

I get that some things have to be cut from our budget and that the froo-froo unnecessary are the first to be looked at, never mind that getting rid of any funding for Sesame Street would crack such a tiny dent in it that you'd have to invent a whole new type of microscope to get a look at it.

Froo-froo has to be looked at.  And I love the froo-froo, but obviously it has to be looked at.

I just happen to be a woman who's psychotically attached to muppets to begin with, not to mention things that benefit children.  So, yes, I would much rather see other froo-froo being cut, and a giant chunk of the less froo-froo.  I imagine should PBS ever be in crisis-crisis I will be calling you during your dinner hours on their behalf begging you for money.

But I get that this is just one woman's opinion.  What really bothers me, and I think should bother a lot of people, are the articles/op-eds/horrible comments (seriously comments on news articles should be banned - learn to spell socialist!) around the internet where people far to the other side are talking about things like Sesame Street, or the Muppet Movie when it came out, like they are liberal breeding grounds that must be shut down because of that.

You know, the Muppet movie villain was an oil tycoon.  Sesame Street teaches things like sharing (without even pointing out that sharing is a downward spiral to a culture of dependency!)

Seriously, internet?

I get that when I watch MSNBC I'm watching a station that leans to the left, much like I hope people get when they're watching Fox News they are watching something that leans to the right.

Most of the U.S. national/international media primarily resides in NYC & L.A., which are both left-leaning cities, so I get that a lot of media seems left-leaning.  (If the biggest hive of media was located in Alabama, I'm sure it would lean in another direction).

There are a lot of media outlets people accuse of being liberal propaganda where I totally disagree - I mean, believe me, there are things on some of these 'liberal' channels and in these 'liberal' publications that piss this lefty off.

But.. Sesame Street?  Muppets?

When did sharing in the simplest form (as in, if you have two cookies and your friend has no cookies and is hungry, do you give them a cookie) become a liberal ideal?  When did helping someone out, rooting for the underdog, become propaganda?

Because I'm fairly certain everyone reading these words right now was taught those values when they were little - just like I'm fairly certain there are people reading these words right now who still have these values and are not liberal.

So from my most rational, open-minded self, cut the Bird because you think it's going to help this country financially.  But please oh please, liberal or conservative, stop implying that kindness, sharing and helping are strictly liberal values/propaganda.  Particularly when it's coming out of the mouth of a puppet to a child.

Most unfortunately, people are going to raise their kids to hate everything that is associated with liberals... So I think lumping kindness, sharing, etc. into a strictly 'us' trait is super dangerous.  I would not teach my kids that being fiscally responsible is a conservative-only trait, and just to stick it to them they should spend, spend, spend their money like tomorrow the apocalypse is imminent.  (Stick it to those liberal kids and never share anything!  Stick it to those conservative kids and work yourself into debt!)

And from my left, tree-hugging heart... please oh please leave Sesame Street alone.  It does not need to be a political tool and I don't think our financial woes will be solved if it starts getting sponsored by Charmin' ultra soft.

These are not the puppets on TV we need to be worried about.

Oh, and even if you disagree with me, please don't yell too harshly should I accidentally call you during dinner time on behalf of PBS.  Give me a chance - I'm charming, my gynecologist says so.



49 comments:

  1. Very well said! It never ceases to amaze me how many people in the world DON'T recognize when something has a spin, and confuse opinions for facts! Bleh!

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    1. It is infuriating.

      I just don't understand how people can hate the other side SO much that things that are *totally* innocent are lumped into the category of "them". Can't some things just be... everybody?

      Big Bird loves all! Damnit.

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  2. I feel like you are a funnier version of me. I love the muppets in a freakish way (still have a VHS with a muppet christmas special on it from the year I was born that I watch every year because they won't make it on DVD). I respected John McCain UNTIL that whole Palin crap (although I wouldn't have gone as far as to vote for him-I was a Hillary girl in the primary and voted for Obama in the end). And I'm a bleeding heart liberal.

    Also, Jon Stewart did a show basically about everything you just said last night. You should google it (hopefully googling Jon Stewart won't lead to blood dripping cancer).

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    1. Ha! I have it sitting on my DVR at home waiting for me. I love. that. man.

      I have a disgusting bordering-on-fetish obsession with all things muppety.

      Bub & I have talked about that.. I think John McCain was just given some terrible, terrible advice about something and accidentally unleashed this 'tea-party' nonsense on the world. I mean, throughout his campaign he was nothing but respectful of his opposition, and I always remember that one woman that got up and told him she had heard that other guy was a 'muslim' and couldn't be trusted how quick he was to correct her and how shocked he looked. aaaand how shocked he looked addressing his people when Obama won and they booed. Honestly I think by today's standards he would be considered too liberal for the Republican party (and that was just 4 years ago... scary).

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  3. Ooooo, this made me want to write a long, slightly ranting comment where I basically agree with what you are saying, but I will refrain and say yes to all of this.
    I live in Tennessee where I am SURROUNDED by these people, including my father-in-law who wants hubby's little sister to home school so she won't be influenced by the liberal school systems and wore a Sarah Palin t-shirt to vote last year, and I just want to make them all read this.

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    1. You brave, brave lady! I often feel like if I lived in some parts of the country even though I'm reasonable and open minded, I'd just be burnt at the stake. :/

      How is the Tennessee school system liberal?!

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    2. I'll tell you how I do it: I do a whole lot of keeping my mouth shut.

      I have no idea how he thinks it's liberal. We've never had a conversation about it. See the above statement. I think he believes all public school systems are liberal. Probably something he learned from Rush Limbaugh whom he loves to listen to.

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  4. I have a vision of mitt Romney being elected then rounding up all the muppets and executing them on tv (probably fox news). What would cutting funding to PBS buy any way, not even a whole missile.

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    1. Serves em' right those commie muppets!

      Although in their defense, Oscar the Grouch has lived in a garbage can for YEARS and I do not recall him ever asking for government hand outs.

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    2. Okay I snorted a little when I read the Oscar comment. He should only get access to healthcare if the Count decides to give charity, too. I'm assuming the count is rich, he does wear a monocle and has a title.

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  5. As a Brit I know I have very little right to an opinion on all of this, but then again, lets face, it whoever is running your country is going to affect us all, even us way out on this tiny island over here. I was so proud of you, America, when you gave Obama the chance to make a difference four years ago, and I hope from the bottom of my hippy-tree-hugging heart that you give him the chance to finish what he started. I just wish there was a politician in the UK I had half as much faith in.

    Ha ha, I have a tidy house/filthy car problem too. We are TWINS I tells ya.

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    1. Yessssss Em! And one of the arguments that I genuinely don't understand about Obama is that he is 'weak' on foreign policy... they present this in such a way to imply that being seen as a giant global bully is the better scenario, and the way I figure it... I've known a few genuine badasses in my life and a lot that really just wanted to be perceived as badasses. The fakes were a lot of bark and showing off, and the genuine ones keep their cool unless it's totally necessary because they don't NEED to remind everyone constantly they're a badass.

      You are my internet car-dumpster muppet-loving soul twin.

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    2. We little European-lings were so proud, amazed, excited, happy, jealous when you elected Obama! I even wanted to move back over there because that guy is amazing. I remember reading some American criticism of Obama and they were all like 'he's so weak' and the Brit journo basically said, 'don't you mean intelligent?'
      Sure nothing is perfect and the economy may still stink but the Tories over here are trying to destroy everything, literally everything in this fucking country!

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  6. First off, you might want to copyright this sentence because it's pretty much genius: "If I let myself get completely paranoid and irrational, my fear becomes that Mitt Romney wants to chop up big bird into little pieces, serve him in sandwich form at Chik-Fil-A to fuel up the men who will inevitably storm up my driveway with torches and battering rams, prepared to go into my uterus and verify that it's full of Jesus and Patriotism."

    Second off, I think it's just one big distraction. Sesame Street, PBS, left-wing, right-wing, chic-fil-a, and everything else that comes out of the media's mouth. They are putting on their own damn puppet show in effort to distract us from what is really going on behind the curtain. I'm so disillusioned by the whole process because they are all just a bunch of liars who will promise anything to get elected into office. It makes me nauseous just thinking about it!

    But there are a few things that I will fight tooth and nail for: the right to love whomever you choose, the collective vagina, and PBS.

    Great post!

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    1. I am with you my love with the gays (don't even know why anyone's discussing it anymore.. If we waited for all of america to get on board with civil rights, we'd still be drinking out of separate water fountains), the vagina (it's mind, damnit, invitation only party) and MUPPETS.

      My G-d, without gays muppets and vaginas everything would be poorly decorated, very mean and organized.

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  7. Anyone who messes with PBS can suck it.

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  8. Had me with a loud guffaw for the chic fil a big bird sandwich.

    I'm a conservative. I say conserve electricity and shut off the television set so I don't have to listen to the political campaign ads in my house.

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    1. Yesss! Honestly - who are these people who still don't know who they're voting for and will benefit from ads?

      I'm aware that there are people 'who just don't care' (don't get me started - for the love of G-d then pick the one that's the lesser of the two evils, in your opinion) but genuinely not knowing?

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  9. Fortunately for us all, they have asked Obama to discontinue use of Big Bird's image in his campaign. We can all breathe a sigh of relief as they return to discussing all those issues that matter. You know like women's rights, poverty, supportive family policy, global warming...Oh..well...

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    1. Honestly, I usually am pretty into politics but this thing is dragging out for soooooo long I'd rather talk about puppets, at this point. Political and muppety. ;)

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  10. I knew there was a reason I liked your blog so much. (from another bleeding heart liberal). :)

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    1. Yesss! yesssss you little tree hugging commie!

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  11. Yes. I. Love. You. If only the rest of the world could be so tolerant of others and their opinions.

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    1. I think I just need to stop myself from reading the comments on yahoo news or political blogs... It's like looking at a car accident, I know it's going to horrify me but I still look. what. is. wrong. with. me.

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  12. I personally don't think that someone named "Mitt" should be allowed to run a country...I'm just sayin...

    Once again I have a sigh of relief that I live in Canada. This stuff is CRAZY! Seriously? Big Bird? Muppets?

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    1. It is crazy!

      And I fully realize that this is something rational to disagree with people on - I understand the logic behind thinking cutting big bird will help (though I will rally against it! I will attend all pro-PBS parades wearing nothing but feathers and a smile!)

      The big shock is that, I don't know if you know, evidently according to some commentators muppets are brainwashing otherwise upstanding Christian preschoolers into tree-hugging communist gay thugs. It's a real problem.

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    2. Oh dear, well, if that's the case, then of course, get rid of the Muppets...just makes sense...

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  13. I love you from the bottom of my liberal heart. I actually asked my husband when we first started dating if he was a republican. He had to show me his voter registration card because that would have been a deal breaker!

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  14. I love my PBS...<3 They can suck it...the right that is. You know I make calls on behalf of Mr.Obama and make sure people are registered to vote, know their polling place, and if they have a ride....it feels good. So yeah I am that girl that is interrupting your din din!! I would call on behalf of PBS too, come on I can't live without my Downton Abbey!!

    I hope all is okay, and it's just a pulled muscle. Oh and ps you gotta love the cheese that hangs around BH...it's a joke!!! $16 for parking...they should be washing your car as well!!

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    1. I have yet to watch Downton Abbey! This is apparently something I need to be watching.

      Damn straight! I should've returned to find my car clean as a whistle! Like the aftershot at the end of a Hoarder's episode! Sheesh.

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  15. OK, as far as Muppets go...I named one of my dogs Muppet as a child. I still have my Muppet lunch box and use it. I wouldn't wish them gone for anything. I don't understand all this political shit and I never will...I read this to my conservative husband and he thoroughly enjoyed it. He then tried to explain the "sharing" thing from his side of the fence....I get what he's saying, but I think that's a bit extreme...I guess that makes me leaning towards the left....

    I love this post and I think if I had been drinking milk it would have spewed out of my nose when I read the big bird chick-fil-a comment....Effing hilarious...and this is why I love you....

    PS I'm glad your ob/gyn is awesome...I love my guy too...it's good to have that kind of relationship with your OB...And I hope your boob feels better soon...I'll be sure only to squeeze the other one!

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    1. Oh my darling, you could squeeze any boob that you like. Sadly, the infirmed boob is the left one which is my good one. ::le sigh::

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  16. I don't get into politics so I'll keep my comments about that part to myself, but I will say something about the rude elevator woman. Really lady?? You can't be bothered to politely look up at someone before demanding they push the button for you?? I can't believe she was standing right next to the buttons too...and even more hard to believe is that she was wearing high heeled sneakers! Who (disgracefully) invented these things anyway? And why on earth would someone actually purchase them? Ugh.

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    1. It wasn't even just the high heeled sneakers (although they were enough on their own) it was the large sunglasses, don't look up from your phone, certainly don't bother burning that half calorie it would take to reach your finger out 6 inches your damn self... Pretty sure she could be the poster child for Beverly Hills.

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  17. I'll focus on the important point here: high-heeled sneakers. I once considered buying some - not as a fashion accessory, rather because my work stilettos were crippling but my pants would drag on the ground if I put on anything comfortably low-heeled for the commute. High-heeled sneakers would be the perfect solution for that. Wearing of them, however, gives nobody the right not to look up when demanding someone else to press their floor button. I am with you on that.

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    1. Oh she was awful. AWFUL. I completely get if it's a crowded elevator and you ask the person next to the buttons to press one for you (with a thank you, of course) but it was literally me & her. I may have actually mumbled aloud to myself 'what just happened'. ;)

      (Sidenote... Is it weird that I'm hoping you wearing stilettos to work means you're a stripper? Don't tell me. It'll ruin it.) ;)

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  18. If I let myself get completely paranoid and irrational, my fear becomes that Mitt Romney wants to chop up big bird into little pieces, serve him in sandwich form at Chik-Fil-A to fuel up the men who will inevitably storm up my driveway with torches and battering rams, prepared to go into my uterus and verify that it's full of Jesus and Patriotism

    I wanna be you when I grow up! Brilliantly put!

    Like Rainbow Catcher, I live in a part of the country where I am surrounded by people with beliefs miles apart from mine. I cried the day traffic was stopped on one of our busiest roads due to all of the people "supporting" chik-fil-a.

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    1. Eee gads.. Supporting Chik-fil-a. I can maybe see how people can not give a shit and just go anyway (though I have trouble with this) but to support.. My G-d, at least think of how you're going to look in 40 years when your grandkids are looking at pictures of the gay rights movement (and in what reality do people think in 40 years this is still going to be something 'kept in the closet'? because going against people's rights has always gone so well in the past....)

      The lovely ladies at my drag-brunch put together a video for Chik-fil-A which is kind of hilarious... (The big girl is Vicky Vox, and if I can befriend her, I would've won life).

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sO-msplukrw

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    2. Muwhahaha! No Mayonnaise! :0 Too funny!

      But yeah, the line of people in support just said to me, "I hate gays". It disgusts me that I live in a town like that. We have not eaten there since. I don't think our family boycotting them is doing that much good, and I do miss their lemonade, but I just can't bring myself to go there remembering all of the smiling happy faces of people telling me they were going to participate in support chik-fi-a day.

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  19. hehe, I like that you get your doctor laughing in the face of your vagina! I hope your BB feels better :-( Sometimes mine get like that. I think it's something hormonal, but idk. Pulled muscle makes sense, too.
    I'm so done with this election, too! People are being soooo annoying!!! If more people posted like you, it would make the world a better place :-)

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    1. Ha! Thank you, lovely.

      The weird thing is, prior to the IVF in June (even with periods of doom and clomid) I had NEVER had a sore boob in my life - thought ya'll were nuts. :/

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  20. This entire post was hilarious. You have a very special gift, my dear. :)

    My husband thinks it's weird that I follow American politics so closely (me being Canadian and all), but I find it to be endlessly entertaining. Some of the stuff that comes out of these politicians' mouths is so nuts, you couldn't make it up if you tried. The idea that teaching kids to share cookies is promoting socialism is ludicrous. What's a better alternative? Encourage children to be selfish and push each other around on the playground? Is that the kind of society they really want????

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    1. Well, yes, exactly - if they're the ones holding all the cookies at the start.

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    2. Ahh, but Jenny you are forgetting that if child A sees child B with a cookie, and then thinks 'that's delicious, I would like to get one myself. Can anyone help me make that happen?' that is in fact a criticism of success!!!

      You know, much like we who have trouble having babies should worry less about our troubles, and worry more about how wanting one takes away some happiness from people who already have them.

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  21. Amen sista! I am also done with this election. I am so tired of all of the mud slinging ads and he said/she said bull shit. Let's just get to the facts and not vote blindly just because someone is a Democrat or Republican. Vote for who you think can run this country better and who has more ideas that are in line with your own. I am no party affiliation and can honestly say I have voted for Republicans, Democrats, and Independents alike. Glad your boobs are a-ok. Your doctor's office sounds like a lot of fun. Mine is in the hospital so I see a bunch of old people. :o)

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    1. See, even though I can't foresee ever being anything but a democrat.. I would like it to be a situation where if the other side wins, it would be less.. frightening to me. For example, in an alternate universe, if John McCain had run in 2008 (without Sarah Palin, tea partiers, etc.) and won - I would've been disappointed but not terrified because the man doesn't represent anything or anyone who just HATES me.

      Ugh, so ready to be done. so ready to be done!

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  22. I love everything about this post. I do my best to keep up on politics and am usually excited about an election year, but I CANNOT WAIT for this damn election to be over. Although, I do fear that if (when?) Obama wins that the Fox fear-mongering machine will be cranked up to a whole new level for the next 4 years. I can't take how divisive this country is. I feel like we used to be able to disagree without it being so ugly. So this year I have decided to stay out of all political debates (especially on facebook). It's really helped my sanity.
    I am mostly afraid that the SNL parody is more true than I want to believe and that those really are the people deciding this election. How can you not know who to vote for at his point? Seriously. They are so utterly and completely different. I think if you haven't decided by now than maybe you should just stay home on election day.

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