Do me a quick favor, por favor...

Okay.

Everyone put on their calm, cool, collected hats.  I need a rational voice.

Bubba the magnificent stayed home from work today (he has a business trip later this week, and frankly, we're right smack in the middle of watching "The Walking Dead" series which is really, really good.. and he's a workaholic so this is a rare treat).

I am going to crank this out in five minutes while he has briefly stepped out, because I don't feel the need to share this level of insanity with him, because it's temporary and shall pass.

Let's get the facts straight, for a second.

Jenny does not ovulate.  This is my first full real cycle since the dreaded chemical, and the likelihood of me still getting a bonus ovulation from the month-o-hormones back in June is hi-lariously slim.

I think I'm getting sick.  This is probably from the endless allergies I have.

I had two episodes in the last couple of days of brief, bright red spotting.  But really, I can't tell maybe it's coming from my popo.

And my left ovary - just my left - has been giving me some sass the last few days.

Just know, I am normally very rational and fully understand I'm not going to get knocked up without half a dozen men in labcoats in the room.  I bought a test this morning to shut myself up, really.

That stupid bitch Hope.  I have long since abandoned fucking around with her every month in hopes that she would turn it into a relationship.

But, unfortunately, I appear to be having a day where I am getting a sinus infection, probably some sort of traitorous cyst on my ovary, and mayhaps bleeding from my popo (what.. could that.. be...)

So just do me a favor, look at this, tell me it's negative, and then I will carry on back to my tap dancing , Forest Gumping my way through infertility, and waiting ever-so-patiently to do IVF later this year or in January.

::hangs head in shame::