Saturday, August 18, 2012

Much like the Terminator

Hola, señoras!

Sadly, Bubella left this morning.

I adore that girl.

If I was a Kangaroo, I would carry her around in my pouch.  If I had a magic wand, I would shrink her to fit on a keychain and take her out whenever I wanted amusement. I love her so much I could rip off her head, use it as a stress ball and her ears a calming chew toy.

She has left an angsty teen shaped hole in my heart.

However, while I was in super fun tourist mode, I missed you so much I had what I imagine your face to look like burned into my flesh - which isn't pretty because I can only draw stick figures.  I hope you don't mind.

I shall catch you up before I return to meatier topics.


Things you missed:

1.  Since we last spoke, Bubella and I went to -

  • Disneyland - in 100 degree heat and animatronic heaven, I got to simultaneously have fun and verify that yes indeed, kids do suck.
  • San Diego - margaritas, seafood, shopping.  An overnight stop en route to Bubella's first Donkey show (justkiddingsettledown).
  • Cinespia.  There's this crazy thing in Hollywood where every Saturday during the summer, they play a movie in Hollywood Forever Cemetery, projected on a mausoleum.  Giant clouds of pot smoke, everyone has a picnic, there's a DJ before..  We engaged in losing our terminator virginities - that's right, out of my group of 4, only one had seen it before.
  • Oh, and on her last day, for those of you who will recognize what this is, I took her here - 




WHAT?!  YES.  Bow in the shadow of my awesomeness.


2.  Bubella broke up with her first love - her boyfriend of a year and a half.  (Let's all take a moment to conjure up what breaking up with our first love felt like... I'll wait here while you vomit).

The kid's a little shit.  Definitively.  Not in the 'oh he's just being a teenage boy' way, but also not in the 'oh dear G-d tell her parents or hire a hitman' way.  Whilst we were in San Diego, his shittiness reached a pinnacle and she basically very calmly & maturely said to him "hey can you not be a dickface?" and he said "no ma'am, I cannot".

Not my little sister, asswipe, you must have her confused with someone who doesn't have a sister-in-law who will put dirty tampons in your backpack. I would fly to where you are and chase you in a less dangerous version of Schwarzenegger style - armed with a foam pugil stick and a menacing Austrian accent.  YOU ARE MY LINDA HAMILTON.

She was upset, for sure, but she's a cool customer just like her brother, that Bubella.  For the last week I've been going back and forth between genuine advice and my personal forte, merciless mocking.  For example, he has a wonky eye which she hadn't noticed until I pointed it out ::pats self on back::.  Love is indeed blind, probably from being cross-eyed for so long.




3.  I read a book that I loved so much when I finished it, I went back and read it again.

Easy read (you'll kill it in a day or two), so good particularly if you were a little weird in high school (if you're a reader of my blog and not purely to hate-stalk me, you was a little weird in high school and beyond, honeychild).

Anyhoo - Stork's big book suggestion at this moment in time is "The Perks of Being a Wallflower".  They have turned it into a movie coming out later this year, and I'm trying not to be suspicious despite the fact that the preview doesn't look as comedically dark as the book is and that it stars Emma fucking Watson.  (Yes, I love Harry Potter.  Stay in Harry Potter, Emma.  But can the girl... act?)


4.  In uterine/spooj news, if my long-ago digital OPK had been correct, I am now 2 weeks late for my period and not pregnant.  So G-d only knows when/if I ovulated, or if any of the surprisingly fun, super-quiet "shhhh your sisters in the living room" sex was anything other than purely recreational.

Bubba is getting a (free!  FREE!  Yay for charming Doctors!) spooj test next week to see if the heads of his spermy friends are telling my eggs that they're there (my husband is an introvert - I don't know why it's surprising his sperm would be).  Then he's possibly flying to Boston in the next few months to get the super-fancy-schmancy sperm test that they apparently only do there.

I am presenting this as any good infertile wife would "look!  Everyone wants your sperm!  Everyone!  They can't get enough of it, you man-whore!"



I have much to do in the world of blog-reading, but I am back and ready to crawl right back into your uterus.







22 comments:

  1. So glad you're back in blogland! And you're right, thinking about breaking up with (or any minute of the time I spent with) my first love does make me want to vomit.

    Oh, and I'm beginning to hate those digital "smiley-faced" lying beotches of OPK's...I took a picture of my "smile" before my last IUI (you know, so we could put it in a scrapbook when the IUI worked...um...yeah...) and today I came across that photo on my phone. Damn you smiling OPK!

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    1. Agreed. I think of my first love now, and I want to vomit thinking about how hard the break up was, and vomit when I think about all the time we were together. I'm hoping she will get to the vomiting about being with the guy at all phase as quickly as possible!

      On the subject of possible, is it possible to hang a pee stick for treason?

      Delete
  2. I'm so glad you had a good time with Bubella....but I'm really glad she's gone...my own selfish ass missed you and your humor, oh an did I mention, I don't like to share and don't play well with others in the sand box...I really could have used a dose of secret sunday this past week....looking forward to next week!

    On the OPK thing...yeah I took a picture of the first smiley face...then I promptly deleted it when my IUI failed. and the one after that....and the one after that....I really began to hate that damn smiley face...I would love to hang the damn smiley face...or better yet put a blindfold on it and take it out back and shoot it...it would be more satisfying for me to use that damn smiley face for target practice.

    On the first love....yeah, not exactly vomit, but maybe throwing up in my mouth a little kind of thing....

    So happy your back! You were definitely missed! and really I'm kinda jealous of Bubella...wish I had a sister in law like that....

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    1. I WILL BE YOUR INTERNET SISTER-IN-LAW.

      And yesssss.... Why is there no t-shirt with a smiley target? Who is in charge of t-shirts? They need to be notified.

      Delete
  3. "And in that moment, I swear we were infinite." One of my favorite books! I wish we had a Cinespia. I would probably love that.

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    1. I ate that book up! Never heard of it but we went to see a movie and there was a preview for the movie coming out, bubella mentioned she had the book on her... BAM. So good.

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  4. The only way that could be any more awesome is if Dwight K. Shrute gave you a ride in his kick-ass bad-ass Camaro.

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    1. yesssss! 10 points for Elizabeth!

      I've been to the set a few times but being spitting distance away from his car is a RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE.

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  5. Hahaha. I have missed your posts so much!!! I am glad that you had so much fun with Bubella! My uterus is excited to have you crawl back into it (that sounds so freaking gross!) especially now that it is fighting with my thyroid and you have experience with that. Keep those humorous posts coming...I have a super anxious week ahead and could use some comic relief!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I am ready to enter your uterus with a flashlight!

      My experience with thyroid meds has been delightful - my internal weather system got better, I'm ever-so-slightly less moody... Thyroid meds for all, I say!

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  6. Hooray for having you back!!! We missed you mrs. Welcome back to my uterus, I hope it is not too dusty and cobwebby in there..

    ReplyDelete
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    1. OMFreakcackingG I just clicked over to the cinespia link to have a peep for fun and now I am desperately trying to work out how, without Kitt knowing, I could secretly book plane tickets, come over to LA, watch Dirty Dancing with you on the big screen whilst eating a picnic, and then get back home again without him realizing I was gone or that I had spent any money. Hmmmmmmmmm, think think think.

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    2. Come! COME Emhart!

      By G-d, don't you deserve a vacation?!?!

      Delete
  7. YAY! I missed you! You sound like the most fun, coolest girl ever to hang out with! Bubella is a lucky girl :-) I'm so jealous and want to come out to Cali! :-D
    Stupid wonky cycles!! I'm hoping you still get your BFP. I will always keep my FX!!
    Good luck to Bubba and his spooj test!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Hellloooooo my little Angel of Infertility! I have missed yoooouuuuuuuu.

      Just started my period today - poop. Oh well. It's somewhat of a relief, knowing that I don't ovulate, that I won't be ovulating until this whenever round of IVF is going to show up.

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  8. It's The Office! Awesome-sauce! I lurve that show!

    I'm glad you're back from your little Bubella-induced sabbatical! Is it wrong that I was slightly jealous that she was getting all your attention? My uterus was starting to feel unloved.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I WILL SEND YOUR UTERUS A CHOCOLATE BASKET OF TAMPONS AS AN APOLOGY.

      Indeed, they officially announced this morning that it's the last season of "The Office" this year.. And that Dwight is getting a spin off show called "The Farm". Not sure how I feel about that...

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  9. The IF world missed you indeed, I think you should actually be President! Glad to have you back :) (and yes I was a little weird in school ha ha !)

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    1. Oh I know you were. I knowwwww you were.

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  10. Damn girl, my ute has gotten very little action since you went off on doing *real life* things.
    Yay for spooj tests, especially free ones.

    And I cannot believe you think I might have been weird in high school. I was just as normal as I am now.

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    1. Every day of a man's life he's praying for a free spooj test.

      Delete
  11. You have such a fun writing style; I love reading your blog. : ) Also, I just have to say, I have no idea what those pics are that you posted. But now I'm totally curious. Good luck to your hubby on his extra special sperm test!

    ReplyDelete