Monday, August 27, 2012

I Fink U Freeky, and I Like You a Lot

Merry Monday, my fellow baby-pang broads!

Ahhh, what can one say about a weekend that started with an intended 5 minute 'who needs deoderant? I'm just running a quick errand' trip that resulted in my car breaking down and spending 3 hours at the mechanics in 100 degree heat, and ended with accidentally taking an ambien when I thought I was taking levothyroxine?

What can one predict about a week that begins with an hour and a half traffic jam on the way to the Obgyn's for a lab order, and in the hospital shuffle accidentally kicking an adorable, handicapped, elderly Korean woman?  (HARD).

Oh, Stork.  Sweet, sweet, accident prone Stork.

On a positive note, I talked to G-d and She and I figured out the one common thread between all infertile women.

Do I have a medical degree?  No.  Have I done any research except for just under two months of blogging? No.  But I figured it out.  I'll be expecting a check made out to "Stork and G-d" for millions from science, and the inevitable fame that will follow, any day now.

Ready for it?

We are all, every last frigging one of us (and by 'us' I can scientifically verify this at least means the women who blog about it) Fucking Weird.



(Now, now - before you get all offended let me assure you that coming from me, this is the highest of compliments.  I am Queen weird, forever searching for more weird.  Hang with me for a moment before you get your panties in a wad.)

So how did I come to this riveting, blow-the-roof-off conclusion, you ask?

A couple of weeks ago when Bubella was staying with me she had a moment where she felt bad for a hot second about being slightly odd.  (True story - if you're 'different', in High School you spent a significant portion if not the whole experience wishing you were 'normal', and your entire adulthood watching the naturally 'normal' live dull lives full of odd-desperation).

I've read a few (if you were one of them by all means give yourself a shout-out in the comment section - accidental ambien makes us forgetful) posts the last couple of months about how difficult it can be in adulthood to make some good lady friends.

Then this morning I went into the ObGyn's to pick up that lab order and when I finally got to the fucking parking garage started having bad vibes.  It occurred to me that I have Fertility PTSD - it's been a long while since I went to that office without bad news quickly following it.  (I'm like a Vietnam Vet that still hears choppers - only instead of choppers it's the sound of latex gloves being snapped on and the gentle woosh of a condom being rolled down a wand).

I kept repeating to myself "I am not the only one that feels this way" and that made me think of all of you lovelies.

We're all fucking weird. Cooky driven to cookier by life experience.

Our little corner of the blogosphere is the Island of Misfit Toys.  If the world were Bridesmaids, we are a tribe of Annies in a world of Helens.




If I've read, say, 100 infertility blogs in the last couple of months - I can only maybe maybe maybe think of coming across 1 or 2 blogs, in passing, that belong to beige, normal women.  This is an incredibly high percentage of wonderfully odd.

You know the type of woman I'm talking about when I say beige - we all know them in real life.

The woman who's never really had any shit happen in her life.  Her house is more than likely, quite literally, bedecked in beige.  You try to have a friendship with her, but it never goes beyond superficial.  When you talk to each other you over-annunciate your words, find yourself saying things like "cute" and "sweet" way too often; she oversells how busy, important and happy she is; and you wouldn't dream of talking about anything real with her because this would inevitably end up in you revealing your weird - which she wouldn't get, would probably find shameful, and would more than likely just end up bursting into flames.

Enter, internet infertiles.

Fuck me, EmHart has a thing with puppets and the color blue as do I.  Kristin is a member of the in-real-life seemingly very small deceased-parent club and feels slightly homeless as I do.  And lo - lo is sexually attracted to who?  Patrick Stewart?  WHAT?!

(And those of you itching to tell me that all women/people are multi-layered and complicated, NO.  FALSE.  If you are also itching to tell me that despite the fact that you are layered and only have the bare minimum of odd requirements you are 'average' - also false. But I appreciate your weirdo-denial/optimism!)

99% of the blogs I have come across are from delightfully weird women who have been through shit.

This may not be a club we can fully appreciate because we've always been members - but to feel good about it one only has to glance around at the weird-imitators of this world and the lengths they go to to fake membership.  (Lady Gaga for one - a true weirdo does not say "make me a dress of meat because it will shock people", a true weirdo says "Where should I keep my bacon... ahh yes, in a dress.  What do you mean that's weird?"  Genuine weird does not take effort).

I have yet to come across a woman who can say "my life was perfect - never had anything bad or interesting happen, and then I found myself infertile".

So yes, I've said it a thousand times and I'll say it again - being in the Infertility Club fucking sucks, no one wants to be here.  But the only ones in it are wonderfully weird warrior women (wwww's) who have already proven their ability to handle shit storms long before infertility struck.

Not that you had to have led an unhappy life, or that by 'weird' I mean that you only wear black and in private try to bite your own face - I just mean to say that on some level you are (and know) that you're 'different', you have something to say, and whether it's instantly apparent or takes a wee bit of getting to know you, others have also reached this conclusion.

So why, as I kicked an elderly Korean women, did I reach the conclusion that in the venn diagram of life the "Infertile" circle is completely encompassed by the "Stone Cold Pack of Weirdos" circle?

Because we're the people who have the ability to go through things and instead of falling apart, turn around and describe them in a way that will make the beigest of the beige get a sense of what living a full life is like.

We're the people with stories to tell.  We're the types that leave - offspring or no - a mark on this world.  We're the people whose art lasts.

And on that note -



What?! Inexplicable!

Sidenote:  I woke up today (Tuesday) and on my blog reader there seem to be a few blogs missing... Has this happened to anyone?!  I didn't get rid of any! Shit now I'm trying to figure out who's missing...




50 comments:

  1. I luuuuuurve you! Amen sister. My DH gave me a coffee cup for V-day with that quote on it. You said it. We can go through this shit and survive. Damn straight!

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    1. We can go through this shit and survive, we can indeeeeeed.

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  2. OMG - you had me laughing and crying while reading this post! You are the best!

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    1. And you are the best! I'm thinking super positive thoughts your way, right now, darling.

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  3. Excuse me, but I do not think it's weird to be sexually attracted to Patrick Stewart. I've always thought he was rather dreamy.

    "Make it so..."

    *swoon*

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    1. I don't think it's weird either! But I'm weird, so it wouldn't strike me as weird, you see? But it's still weird. ;)

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  4. I just read that some women that experience infertility exhibit signs of PTSD. This shit is for real.

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    1. Really? where'd you read it? I wanna reeaaaaaad!

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    2. I'd love to read this, too. Last trip to the OB, my blood pressure was 141/94 and it's usually in the low/normal range!

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  5. My mom told me a few years ago that when I was a kid (their first) they just thought all little kids were kinda weirdos. When they had my 2 younger sisters, they realized I was the weirdo.

    I can't even bring myself to watch most home videos. I was such a crazy little ham, dancing, singing, playing my flute (?!) for the camera (never mind they were trying to record my infant sister behind me). And I WILL NOT let them show my husband. I'll literally throw down if anyone ever tries to pop an old VHS in at the holidays.

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    1. Someone get ahold of those tapes... SOMEONE GET AHOLD OF THOSE TAPES!!!!!

      Now that that's out of the way.... I love that you're weird you great big weirdo.

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  6. WEIRD!!! I was just thinking the same thing...ok well not really all of it, but IF has brought out the good and the bad in everyone I know. Without all the WWWWWWW or however many w's there are I would never have survived this disaster of IF.

    I love being weird. It does lead to challenging every day life experiences and lack of IRL friends, but I have you all...which of course makes me even weirder to IRL people.

    No we are not alone...we are all in this together....I'm more grateful for this community than almost any other aspect of my life...for without these weirdos, I would be a lone weirdo which makes for a very sad life...Thanks for being weird with me!

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    1. The having friends things - it's not so much the having of the friends - got those - it's the having of the WEIRD friends that totally match your weirdness. On the planet, there are maybe 5 people I would consider my weirdo soulmates... And now, you guys.

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  7. Weird is always good! Or at least interesting... :) And it certainly gets us through.

    Thanks for the giggle!

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    1. Weird is ALWAYS good. Always. Interesting is ALWAYS good. Weird is what makes the world turn.

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  8. I am finally beginning to embrace my freakiness. I think. :)

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    1. Embrace it... Embrace! You are a freaky weirdo and be proooouuuuud, damnit!

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  9. I am a weirdo, and proud! Hubs says to me sometimes he's scared of being 'normal' and I, always, turn to him and tell him that we can never, ever be normal. We are too weird! I have two friends who are either Beige or have Beige lives. One I do love to bits and I light up her beige life with my weirdness and IF struggles and the other, well I am losing touch with her because all she wants to do is wear pretty clothes and party and just doesn't get how life could be anything other than pretty sparkly (and clearly Beige) drinkathons!

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    1. Oh lawdy do I know women like that!

      I've also met a few women who seemed to be beige at first and then were super-freaks (thankfully) underneath (Undercover Weirdos).

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  10. I think the phrase "internet infertiles" should be added to the urban dictionary. I am sure we could all come up with good definitions!

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    1. Oh man alive... there's a blog post...

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  11. Luckily my hubby and I had completely embraced our weirdness even before the IF thing came about...now he's just excited to have a "sci-fi baby" (IVF/ICSI) so he can justify using some whacky sci-fi/fantasy character's name for our future offspring ;) Oy vey...

    Thanks for the laugh, I needed that this morning!!

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    1. It is SO science fiction! I'm adopted so on top of that the idea of just having someone in the house that might slightly resemble me seems science fiction!

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  12. We're not weird. All those normal people are weird!

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  13. ERMAHGERD! You made me realize why my friendship with someone who keeps telling me is my best friend never feels like a friendship for me. She's a beige! Mother of G-d... Well, I'm definitely weird. I got voted "Most Unique" in High School because of being & thinking outside the norm. (Which my grandmother informed me how stupid my high school is because you cannot be MOST unique since unique itself means "having no like or equal.")

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    1. Your Grandmother is a genius.. I wouldn't have even thought of that.

      I have a few women like that - mostly I figure out it's not going to go anywhere because conversations turn into... weird happiness conversations that I'm not totally into participating in.

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  14. Love this post. Lovelovelove. WWWW and Proud. I felt this way over the weekend when I was doing yoga on some rocks in a public park pond and these Beige people were staring. :) But seriously, how can one even survive real-life shit without being this way.

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    1. I want to do yoga on some rocks in a park! Dayum. We seriously need to be the founders of an "infertile only" town.

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  15. OMG, this post was kind of a revelation for me. I was reading going "I'm not weird, I'm really not...I'm a nurse, I have a house, a cat, some friends..." then all of a sudden it occurred to me that A: My husband and I like to make up songs about our cat....B: Surrounded by people whose ideal vacation would be a weekend at the spa, we are psyched about fishing, camping and surfing preferably where no one else is around...and C: I think I have been masquerading as an "undercover weirdo" for far too long, never feeling like I fit in anywhere. Thank you for enlightening me. I am WEIRD!

    Oh, and I think Infertility PTSD is a real thing. A lady at work went through all this IF shit 15 years ago told me the other day that even now, the thought of having a PAP or anything "down there" causes her major anxiety and brings back all the feeling she had when she was dealing with IF. So, what you are feeling is REAL!

    Oh, and this "Infertile Only" town you suggested above...I'll be a founding member...where should we have it?

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    1. You are a stone-cold WEIRDO.

      Ha! I dunno.... someplace with nice weather, and where all neighboring towns are inhabited by people who have graduated from IF onto mommyhood so they can serve as a buffer between 'us' and 'them'.

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  16. My life motto is summed up in a Dove chocolate quote: "a synnic is just a realist with experience." I hope that makes me less beige! ;) You nailed it with the over annunciated words!!! I also have to give the wide eyed stare, you know, as to aviod rolling my eyes.

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    1. So glad someone else has noticed that! I don't know WHAT that is but when a woman who doesn't want to discuss anything real begins to talk she starts over pronouncing EVERYTHING. I have actually been on the receiving end of the "I'm happy, busy and important" monologue and wondered whether the woman was hurting her mouth. Like, I can hear your teeth, dude.

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    2. YES! And they also seem to increase the volume of their voice, to make sure everyone that doesn't want to is listening. I forgot to mention the head tilt I give them when they aren't looking. All this is very similar to the reaction I give to going to church once every three years. . .did you really just say that? And you are a human being that has lived on this same planet?

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  17. I'm an (asian)Indian girl who turns her nose up at most of the men presented to her and instead chooses, openly, to try the single mom by choice option and gets slapped with RPL. Yeah, so very not beige!

    PTSD is so real!! I don't have infertility PTSD, I have pregnancy PTSD. There was one moment (post loss #3) where I had to have an ultrasound, and I burst into tears---because I was so relieved that I did not have to be scared to death about whatever appeared on the screen next. Ugh.

    I chuckled loudly at the comparison of latex gloves to a warzone. You rock!!

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    1. Very un-beige!

      Man alive I'm very glad I'm not the only one with gyno PTSD.. I feel like a lunatic.. more so than usual!

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  18. What are you doing to me woman. Another of your posts reducing me to clomid fueled tears. I agree with everything you say here, we are all fabulously weird and wonderful. I knew a beige infertile and she would no more have thought of blogging than flying to the moon, stiff upper lip and all that what-ho. She became one of those born-again-fertiles once she had had her children and acts as of the years she spent trying were totally normal and that one should relax and it will happen.

    I have a secret belief the world really is full of muggles and wizards, it is just that instead of magic and non-magic, they are multicolored weirdos or beige bores. I am so glad I am on the wizarding side of things.

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    1. P.S. I suspect the BB's have a smoother journey through life as they tend to worry less and just plod on calmly with a slightly glazed expression, but us MW's, we get the highs that can only be appreciated because we truly know what the lows feel like. For instance the BB I mentioned above never even saw the doctor, she just waited until it happened finally two years later. HOW DO YOU DO THAT? I was banging the surgery door down the moment I suspected something was up.

      Em, stop filling up comment sections with your ramblings. Stop now.

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    2. My darling EmHart, I could not adore you more ferociously or creepily.

      Born-again-fertile! I am COMPLETELY STEALING THIS SHAMELESSLY.

      You know, sometimes I think they have it easier.. On the other hand, they're very Stepford wives, or like the cattle that happily march into the arms of the butcher... sure they don't know any better, but I feel bad for them somehow.

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  19. Seriously its totally over due from ICLW but I had to comment on the fact that I couldnt agree w/ u more IF has made me a little weird and that doc suess comment totally fitting for me!!!! LOVE ur post!!!

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    1. Helllooooo, Stacy Lee! Love that ICLW. It's like magicking new friends out of thin air.

      I can sense your weirdness, i can sense it...

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  20. Whatever, I am so done trying to convince you. More Patrick for me is what I say!
    My grandmother (Who was way weird, but having Sylvia Plath as a mother might do that to you) always told me that if you didn't think somebody was weird you just didn't know them well enough. And since everybody is weird, why hide? I let my freak flag fly proudly.

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    1. Sylvia Plath? No shit?! That's amazing.

      I suspect that everyone's hiding something but for the beige I fear it is more... sinister...

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  21. Love the WWWW!! Yes, we are weird! I talk about my lady parts to complete strangers! haha, and it feels acceptable! But you are right, I was at least a little weird before becoming infertile. Now I'm just crazier! I love how you let your crazy show and let loose. I wish I could do that more often :-) You are such a blessing to the IF community! <3
    Oh, and I know I read something about IF PTSD being real, too! I think it was on resolve.org or something. I'll have to look.

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    1. Nothing wrong with discussing your lady bits with strangers - I'll only worry about you if you start showing them. ;)

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  22. I love this post. I am a little weird but I am also extremely shy so I tend to hide my weird and try to act normal. I should really just let it all out because acting normal isn't doing it for me. I always want to be friends with the weird, slightly offensive people I meet.

    On a side note, "Teeth" was on IFC the other night so of course I watched it. I completely think Akin saw that and thought maybe it was a medical documentary and those are the "doctors" he is referring to.

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    1. I am weird, slightly-if-not-outright offensive, and I shall be your friend!

      My husband is KING of the introverts (people think we're opposites upon meeting us but really we're the same person just with different volume levels) and also Lord King of All Things WEIRD. I love the strange and shy - when I somehow get in it makes me feel like I've earned it, like the shy whisperer. ;)

      I saw that it was on IFC and of all the bazillion channels I have it's one that I DON'T GET! And there's ALWAYS something on there that I want to watch! Son of a bitch.

      I'm so glad I could bring Teeth to people.. So very, very glad..

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  23. Just because I just bought my dogs matching gnome Halloween costumes doesn't mean I'm weird!

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  24. Can I just say, I think I love you. I have several "beige friends" and honestly, I don't really consider them friends...more acquiantances, because they live this seemingly perfect life and nothing else matters except their beigeness. They just don't understand me. They get pregnant without trying (oops) and nothing ever goes wrong in their lives. Makes me sick. Reading all the IF blogs makes me feel normal again!

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    1. Yesss... I have finally finally finally started avoiding the beige at all costs (though it is prominent at family parties, immediate family & a few exceptions aside).

      Hahaha let's run away together.

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