Friday, November 9, 2012

Talking to Mirrors

It's Friiiiiiiday!

I don't know why on Earth I should be excited about that, as my weekend will kick off with spending a ludicrous amount of money to have restaurant food delivered to me just so I don't have to go out, and end with cleaning my house so that I can actually get shit done next week.  But nonetheless - Bub and I will be in the same place for 48 hours and I'll have someone to answer my ridiculous questions as they pop up.

Yesterdays:  do you think dogs vote?  It's a valid question.  There are two humans, two dogs and a cat in this house and I assure you the dogs have no idea that we were dealing with an election.  (Though I can also assure you, had they known, they would have barked for Obama.  They are two black lesbians, after all). I don't see why it's not entirely possible that when Phoebe runs up to our gate and seemingly barks at the trash can that that's actually her pre-designated voting booth for mayor of dogtown.

Anyhoo.

There once was a man at a party who tried to hit on my husband and then steal his shoes.  We are now friends because that is how I roll.  He posted this to my facebook wall yesterday, I clicked to see what it was as I was getting my shoes on, and quite literally fell off my couch from laughing.  Enjoy.



As it is the month of November, a time to be thankful, some bloggy things that I am thankful for.

I cannot believe I haven't thanked her for this yet (in my defense, I thought I had and then realized this morning nope, nope you didn't because you were having problems signing into her blog).  Apropos of just her being awesome, Ms. Sunshine over here sent me a care package, complete with smarties (all gone) and a chap stick with a monkey on it that I pull out regularly to talk to.  Ms. Sunshine, you made my day.  Thank you for making my tummy happy and for my new best moisturizing monkey friend.

Thank you for all the lovely comments on my post about my Dad.  It makes me happy to think it spoke to anybody who has lost a parent or knows someone who has.  You know I'm not one for goop and introspection usually, so it's a little weird for me to have stuff hanging out like that.  Thank you for being so kind.

Some of ya'lls nominated me for the Liebster Award.  Amazing.  (Also, and I can say this because Bub is German, I love how even happy words in German sound a little hostile).  I can't explain to you how tickled I am when people seem to appreciate my blog.  It seems a lot of people have been nominated for this - so instead of re-nominating you, I'm thinking of every once in awhile on here doing an entry strictly on a blogger that you should be reading and why.  Ich liebe dich.

And somehow - somehow! - my list of followers seems to have crossed the 100 threshold this last week.  I am simultaneously giddy and wondering how many of you should be heavily medicated.

I swear - when I started this blog I thought it was just going to be me, talking to myself about my uterus and occasionally throwing in the unrelated rant.  Seeing as how I do this every day in my mirror anyhow, I thought, what would be the harm in doing it online?

But no, instead I have gotten to meet some badass chicas who are always so funny, thought provoking and kind.  I was expecting to talk to mirrors, and in the way of mutual experience I kind of am - only the mirror has opinions and her own brand of hilariousness and kindness that I could not expect.  (And those of you mysterious ones who don't comment - please insert yourself into my life as it makes it harder to hit on you inappropriately if you don't).  Thank you for taking an interest in my weird little life.  I am so thankful for you.

And as getting sappy makes me uncomfortable, let's just say...  Boobies.  Poop.  Fart.

Oh!  I did solve the economic crisis yesterday, it's a super awesome plan.  Ready?

Three words:  Gay. Bridal. Registry.

BOOM.  Solved.

**Edit - also strangely enough I checked my traffic for the first time in forever and I'm getting a bit of traffic from Facebook?  Anyone know what that is?  (Don't get me wrong - I am delighted that anyone would be linking to me anywhere - just curious.. Other than you Jenn who I know did but it doesn't look like you... And Jenn, that one guy who commented on it... My word, my word...)




32 comments:

  1. You are brilliant.

    That is all.

    Also-I think Target has that whole gay bridal registry thing. Last time I was there they had a poster of two handsome dudes embracing in tuxedos in a very non-straight way over the registry computers.

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    1. Go Target! That is amazing news!

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    2. Yaaay to Target for going Targay!

      Honestly people, if you just let them get married wherever the eff they want to in this country of ours - gajillions of dollars would be fueled into this economy by wedding planning alone.

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    3. Fabulous wedding planning at that.

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  2. Well you are very very welcome my lovely.

    When I opened the package that Monkey jumped in my face and said. "Please send me to Jenny, please please, please! I was made for those beautiful lips!" So I had too. I want a kiss.

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    1. Hahaha HE IS MY BEST FRIEND. His little monkey head is now full of secrets.

      smooooooooch.

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  3. This is for all the lurkers out there....believe me, you want to get to know this lovely lady. Her come-ons are some of the best I've ever heard. Plus, one day, when we meet in person I know she'll let me motorboat her and if that doesn't say "awesome" then I don't know what does.

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    1. Hahaha Jenn I'm gonna meet the hell out of you IF ONLY for the motorboating.

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  4. someone somewhere, maybe it was even you, introduced me to yet another AWESOME German word. If you haven't heard this one- you'll love kummerspeck: http://pt.threadless.com/critique/69008/kummerspeck

    Kummerspeck: a German word that literally means "grief bacon" but refers to the excess weight gained from emotion-related overeating.

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  5. When you say Smarties, do you mean the powdered sugar tablets that come in a roll or the colourful candy-coated chocolate delights that come in a box? Apparently Americans and Canadians differ in what they call a Smartie and it has created much confusion in my home.

    Also: http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m67brmXLH21qch3jpo1_500.jpg

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    1. There is an international difference in Smarties! Ours would be the powdered sugar tablets that come in a roll (and make you smarter - it's just science).

      And also - HAHAHAHAHAHA... OMG. I LITERALLY make a habit of shouting Ich Liebe Dich to Bub on the regular.

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    2. Oh! My hubby is obsessed with Canadian smarties! His family has a cabin up there, so he's been eating them all his life :-) He says they are better...idk.. :P

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    3. WHAT?! A different kind of smarties? A liberal canadian chocolate kind!? Sounds good. The sugar tablets are pretty damn good though....and they do make you smarter.

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  6. LOL, that pic is awesome!!
    Aww, that's so nice you got a care package :-D
    I did see a link somewhere for finding out who your pet would vote for haha. I can't find it now though, darn!

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    1. I am confident my dogs would bark obama. CONFIDENT.

      That picture made me die - DIE. It's the smug look on that bald eagle.

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  7. My dear, from the moment I read my first post of yours I knew you were going places. You bring something so very special to this community, it's amazing that number isn't a million by now. I anxiously check my reader for your posts. No matter the subject, there is always a smile somewhere in there...and everyone needs at least one smile a day. Don't EVER stop writing here....I'm begging you...

    PS I'm going to start pumping my German friend for random weird words to send you...she's good for that kind of stuff...

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    1. You are so crazy and wonderful and lovely and one of these days you're going to open the door and before you know what's happening be leaped upon by a crazy californian.

      YESS! DO IT!!! ENDLESS band names in the German language, apparently...

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  8. Holy Moley. That picture is AMAZING! Love you Storkey Stork. A whole lotta much!

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  9. Yours was one of the first blogs I started reading when I finally decided to start searching the internet for some infertility support. I am so glad I did. I found other blogs through you talking about them. I even think about starting my own blog just so I can be friends with some of you ladies. But then I just feel like a weird stalker.

    Oh, my favorite German word is "ausfahrt". It means exit which isn't very interesting, but clearly I only like it because I have the maturity of a 5th grader and it makes me giggle. I lived in Berlin for 6 months and I would see this word constantly and I giggled every time, never got old.

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    1. I have never heard that one! I am so jealous that all of these people got to live in Europe at some point... ::sigh:: it's on my to-do-list.

      And jumping jehosephat girl start a blog! start a blog!!! I shall be your first follower, scouts honor.

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  10. Gay weddings will soooo help the economy and Mitt is a twat for not seeing it! do you know what has helped Britain out of recession in the last quarter? Olympics, sure, but mainly a massive rise in sales of sex toys due to 50 shades!! apparently the sale of jiggle balls went up over 200%! so the answer? David Cameron 's austerity? nah. fucking!!
    stork you are an incredibly important voice for we who are silently (or not so silently!) sad

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    1. I didn't know that! Holy Ishmael. While I have a box of sex toys, I do not know what a jingle ball is?! sounds festive...

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  11. Mysterious, non commenting, lurker here. Just peeking out of the shadows to say Hi.

    Love, love, love this little corner of blog world. So happy you are here.

    Ummmm, is that too much? Willies and bums. And Poo. And back I go...

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    1. Lurker! Lurker! THERE you arrrre!

      Please pop out of the shadows occasionally, I'm nice I promise. Let's make out.

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  12. Barking for Obama, you should have had doggy t's made up with that on.

    I got the exciting care package too. Wonderful wasn't it. I have never had US smarties before. We have the chocolate ones too and as a child they were my favorites. I used to separate all of the colours and then eat them a colour at a time always eating the orange ones last because they were the nicest. http://www.smarties.co.uk/home/ Maybe you need a care package of these so you can taste the UK stylee ones.

    Ich liebe dich auch. My father works in Germany twice a year, and I spent many holidays there when I was a child. It is one of my favorite places to visit. Have you been? Lets go together some time and eat our body weight in sausage.



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    1. There are T-shirts that say bark for Obama! Holy shiznit let me find it someone just put the picture up a little bit ago...

      http://submerged.blogspot.com/2012/11/recovery-day-6.html

      BOOM.

      I have gone my whole life unaware of the smartie divide!

      I am sooooo jealous. I have never ever ever been to Germany and I keep trying to talk Bub into it because he has relatives somewhere there. LET'S GO. And if that's not possible maybe we should get a map, point to the most middle location providing that it's not water, and MEET.

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  13. honey you are the most bad ass Chickie of them all!!!

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  14. Just so you know, Logan watched one of the debates with me and shot the evil eye at Romney and moved to the side Obama was on for the rest of the time. He definitely votes.

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  15. My 13 yr old shih-tzu was a gay space dragon for Halloween, so he voted for Obama. Our cats are 17 and 9 and need all the help they can get, so they definitely voted for Obama. But our 5 yr old jack-a-pug-chihuaua Skittles is a dope. So she voted for Romney.

    Whew, relieved to know I am not the only one who talks to themselves in the mirror. I like to pretend I am being interviewed on NPR as an expert. Since I'm not an expert on anything I usually just end up rambling about random opinions but a good mirror session is like balm for the soul, afterwards I feel cleansed and ready to face the world.

    Gonna read the post about your Dad. I have a feeling I will be moved. Your writing is so powerful, awesome, smart and funny. No surprise you have so many followers! Plus those folks are just the Blogger people, we word pressers must make up at least another 90!

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