They retrieved 20 eggs yesterday and 11 were mature.
They did ICSI on all 11, plus special chemical, and as of this morning 0 fertilized.
Since yesterday, 6 more eggs matured. Today the head embryologist is going to try to fertilize them but the chances are 'less than 5%'.
A miracle is required.
The next 24 hours will probably be my swift quick from spiritual agnostic to atheist. From always finds the silly to total nervous breakdown.
I know we do a lot of praying and hoping and good vibing for each other. I honestly at this point have a hard time believing it does anything but if it does...
Please please please pray for us. Pray for those last 6.
We're good people. I don't need a baby army, I will be as kind and silly a mom as possible and Bub is just about the greatest guy you'll ever meet.
After 4 years and every kind of fertility treatment imaginable this is the last stop on the train for us before we have no choice but to get off the train & take residence in All Hope Lost.
I will not be able to live through this and keep my sanity.
Please light a candle, say a prayer, do a dance, something. Anything. It would be great if something could happen that would make me believe in God or miracles or that good things happen.
I try my absolute damnedest to laugh through the shittiest things. It's my gift it's my Jennyism it's the one bit of sunshine I contribute to the world and that is going to be murdered.
My plan for today is to smoke a cigarette, take some Vicodin because I'm still so sore from yesterday and try not to become an empty shell.
Thanks to everyone on twitter for kind and/or pissed off words. Greatly appreciated.
Please get pushy with God on my behalf it would appear he can't hear me. I would love to be the happy story people can tell in their dark hours - 'listen to what happened to this girl, if she can get pregnant anyone can' - and not the horror story people are afraid of becoming.
It's a shot in the dark and I may not deserve it but I need a miracle.
Prayers, candles, retweets, a stern mental request, a happy thought... Anything. Help me I'm quickly approaching helpless (and if I'm already there I can have one more day before I have to accept it).