Or to rephrase: halfway through the longest. week. of. my. life.
PS - someone left a comment yesterday that said this is like watching Breaking Bad and that made me die laughing. (Which made me think Heisenberg is another option for an embryo name as he is clearly a badass and involved in chemistry. Plus clearly my embryos would be rocking some sort of say-something hat).
No official update from the lab - no lid lifting today. Yesterday I thought having no update today would make me feel more sane but we have gone in the other direction. This morning angel RN worded it in a way that gave me pause - that the day-late fertilizers are more likely to poop out.
Trying trying trying to stay positive - they weren't supposed to fertilize in the first place. And there are two of them. Trying to hold onto the gleeful feeling of Monday morning being shocked that anybody did anything. They are pissed off and feisty and demanding life. I need them pissed off and feisty and demanding life.
Plus - these are made of Bub and me. And Bub and me would NEVER do anything daunting on a weekend so it would make sense they would just hold off until Monday.. right?
So I may possibly get an update tomorrow, or it may be Friday... and more than likely Friday will be the freeze day although apparently it could also be Saturday. Asked about freezing more thoroughly today, and apparently they have some latest-freezing technique where if an embryo is viable, it will absolutely survive freezing and thaw. So there's that.
Anyways. I know I sound like a broken record but please keep the candle lighting, the prayers, the good juju and the chicken sacrificing going. It's fucking doing something. Miracle part 1 was completely against the odds, so miracle to completion is possible. I have stated before that we are all clearly witches but man.... Please keep it up with the international happy juju for them. You will be internet aunts and with a wee bit of hope restored in my life after all these years I can use all my badassery and pissed off feistiness and focus is it entirely on WILLING everyone's babies into existence through sheer will and mind scolding.
And speaking of witches - Mr. T and a gaggle of gays are having an American Horror Story: Coven viewing party tonight. So that will be nice and distracting. I will be the only ute present, Jessica Lange, Kathy Bates and Angela Bassett are clearly good for the soul, and so help me I will make them wave all their fairy godfather hands around and say prayers. As Mr. T put it, they can be my Goven.
(Source. And clearly just a promo for IVF).
So today as I'm taking a surprise hour long car ride because Bub left his insulin pen at home today (I mean.. the man's been shooting me up with needles for two weeks and dealing with side effects - least I could do is bring him his needle) I started thinking-thinking in car, and plotting things to google when I got home.
Mainly I wanted to come home, and for the millionth time in my TTC career, look up shot-in-hell-turned-pregnancy stories. They're all over the place, but there's not a whole lot in terms of a wide variety of stories in one spot.
So I'm thinking we could do a collective post on here about shot-in-hell turned happy stories, like most of us have needed at one point or another, for people to find all in one spot.
Stories about low betas, poor fertilization, concerning bleeding, weird placenta problems, 'you're definitely not getting pregnant', small number of follicles, expected miscarriage, etc., turned successful pregnancies.
So if you have had one yourself or know someone who has, email it to me (Stupid Stork 4 at gmail). However long you want it to be, just the crisis and how it turned happy part, and let me know how you want to be credited (name/link if you have one).
I just think it'd be cool to have a variety of stories like that from real infertiles (not fertiles talking about their sisters aunts cousins hairdressers) all in one spot. For the lady a few months from now googling for some hope when it's almost lost. I'm sure it'll be a virtual hug for someone at some point, and some good karma for us to boot.
In the meantime I started a thread about it on Fertile Thoughts...
And honestly, I can't fucking mention this enough.. Thank you for all the prayers and wishes and good vibes and juju - we're at the end of the fertility road here, and if I have to be this frightened I'm glad I have such awesome and understanding people with me. If anyone can make a miracle happen with good vibes and juju and prayers it's you people - you're like the Seal Team 6 of Magic.
Thank you thank you thank you and please oh pretty please keep them coming... These have to be my kids. Have to be. I'm out of shots, here. This is them, I've waited long enough. I'll be collecting my kids now, universe, and then retire to channeling my energy to others. Please please please please thank you thank you thank you thank you.