It's only Tuesday?! Are you SHITTING me?!
I am getting more and more proof that you people have ACTUAL MAGICAL POWERS.
So today was my Grandpa's 89th birthday. Got up, got in the Batmobile.
By accident ran into my husband at Starbucks. Also, Arsenio Hall was there (the beginning of a day which required me to repeatedly ask myself if I was dreaming). I like to think that Arsenio Hall manifesting in a random non-Hollywood Starbucks is a good sign. I think I read that in Aesops Fables.
Driving through LA to start the hour and a half to get to Gram & Gramps house (over the river and through the woods and all that) I drive past Beverly Hills where La Bamba and friend are. If anything maybe they'll stick around because right now they should be under the impression that we're really, really fancy.
Thinking happy thoughts, playing songs that will keep me optimistic (and I am! I'm optimistic!). Halfway there my phone starts ringing and I see it's Dr. Kickass so I put it on speaker.
It's the Angel RN (whom I love - she and I would totally be friends, I think, had we met elsewhere).
In case you're just tuning in - on Saturday I had my egg retrieval and they got 20 eggs. On Sunday morning, Dr. Kickass called to break it to us that out of the 11 eggs that were mature that day, 0 fertilized. ZERO. They had six more eggs that didn't mature until Sunday, and they were going to try to fertilize them although it was a 'less than 5% chance' that even one would fertilize.
I called my Mom and told Mr. T - who in turn got my family, friends, and people I don't know praying and lighting candles. I got on here and on twitter, and every person went into 'best freaking people ever' mode lighting candles, making facebook posts, blog posts, etc. I was not feeling hopeful but I was feeling very loved.
Then yesterday morning he called and said that two of the six had fertilized. TWO. TWO!!!!!!!
Cue choir of angels and weeping and overall meltdown of orgasmic glee.
Anyhoo, RN calls this morning...
She says that they checked on embryos. Both are still growing - one is 4 cell and one is 3 cell, which is right around where they need to be today. (Miracle I haven't googled this yet...)
She also said that when they lifted the lid off the crockpot this morning to check on those two, that there are two others they're 'going to keep their eye on' because they seem to be doing something. So not to get my hopes up, but I may have 'a couple more' on Friday.
I begin to, yet again, well up from happiness. And to tell her I know I'm being silly for being that happy about it but holy shit what an increase from 0! She also said they may call with an update tomorrow, but if not it'll be Friday (when they freeze).
I had no idea any of this was even POSSIBLE. When I think about the likelihood of any of this having gone my way I start to LEAK.
Sunday it felt like the END, and somehow, someway, Bubs sperm and my eggs decided to punch statistics right in the throat.
Please, pretty please, keep the prayers and candles and happy thoughts and goat sacrifices coming. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude that I'm getting them in the first place but holy crap if our collective magic can get them to Friday and beyond.
I can't believe I actually get hope. To be an anomaly within IVF... I mean, I have felt hope for mostly everyone but honestly I was starting to feel (and on Sunday, wholeheartedly feel) that hope was just not something worth having for me. I know the smart thing would be to not get my hopes up high, but holy shit me I GET SOME.. I mean, I'm going to be upset if things get wonky anyway, why not have optimism for as long as possible?
Sidenote: name ideas for embryos to accompany La Bamba:
*El Jefe
*Shenanigans
*Lil Asskicker
*The Space Cowboy
I love you people. Please keep tapdancing and sacrificing chickens and talking to the powers that be for us... I will GLADLY be that girl where when someone is feeling hopeless, they get pointed in my direction like "dude, look what happened over HERE. Crazy wonderful shit can happen even when it seems like all is lost".
Please please please please please.
I've been stalking your blog for a short time now and I am finally posting my first comment. I just wanted to say that I am SO happy for you, crossing my fingers, and wishing good thoughts your way that everything goes perfectly this cycle. I'm only about 8 months into trying to get pregnant and while that pales in comparison to what you've been through, it gets really tough some days. So many of your posts have touched me and left me in tears, so thank you, thank you, thank you.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy to hear good news about the fertilization of your embryos. I will keep doing the Crazy Agnostic Prayer Dance for you. To other people, it might look like I'm just rushing madly about in circles as usual, but it is really the Crazy Agnostic Prayer Dance for embryos. :-) Stay strong.
ReplyDeleteThe ALI community always knows just when you need her most. That's what we are here for. Come on you little enchiladas keep growing for mama.
ReplyDeleteI'm all warm and giddy from this. This is all such wonderful news. I like lilasskicker!!!!
ReplyDeleteGo ON Little embies!!! Rock this world, keep on kicking statistics and bad luck in the crotch and become Stork's and Bubs' little babies.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you ALL.
Dancing around with happiness to hear all this! Will keep thinking/praying/sending good vibes/crossing all body parts for you and Bub and the embryos!
ReplyDeleteI just found out how many people legit lit candles and prayed for me at church (and I'm a halfie Catholic Jew heathen!) during my last cycle. I don't know who or what had control over that resounding success (I had two "normal" fertilized embryos out of the batch too) but I have to believe that all the good juju worked. It's your turn, lady. I'm keeping the prayers going in my garbled Spanish Catholic speak and my 7 words of Hebrew. Can't hurt to shout out to both sides.
ReplyDeleteI vote for Jefe, or potentially Papi. I know it's a little gendered but there's certainly a ring to "Ay, Papi."
Oh I love Lil asskicker! I am praying, hoping and lighting imaginary candles (I really must find my lighter). And the possibility of a few more? Wow-- miracles do happen. Sending love, light and rainbow unicorn farts!
ReplyDeleteStill here and still praying! Let's go embabies!!!!!
ReplyDeleteyou know I'm doing all I can to help the universe do right by you and Bubs! So excited to hear good news!!! let's keep it coming!
ReplyDeleteAHHHH!!! This is more intense than Breaking Bad! I defo cast a vote for Space Cowboy, by the way. Will be thinking of you and the little embabies that could all this week... can you request that the lab start playing "I Will Survive" on repeat somewhere in the vicinity of their petri dishes?? These littles ones need some motivation!
ReplyDeleteWaiting for an update, yo. AND I'm going to start using the term "leak" because it's awesome.
ReplyDeleteYay! Think of you all! I'm gonna throw two more embie names at you: Rocky Balboa and Milargo ;)
ReplyDelete