Sunday, December 16, 2012

Totally Inappropriate

Hola kids.

Okay, this is my last ranting and raving entry for awhile... Tomorrow I will go back to tap dancing bear.

What I would really like to do is put this up on Facebook but that would be opening a totally unnecessary and exhausting can of worms.  So just this little post to vent it out a bit, and I will feel better because it is exhausting all my big girl muscles not to say something in a more public and less anonymous forum.  (Not to mention, thus far in my blogging experience I am delighted to say that most of us seem to be way more reasonable when we disagree than some of the people on my Facebook friends list).

Most of the postings on Facebook about the shooting in Connecticut are perfectly loving, individual responses to something awful. I'm in no way irritated or annoyed by people who are posting about it every hour on the hour, I'm in  no way irritated or annoyed by people who are ignoring it altogether and continuing to post shenanigans.  I'm not even irritated or annoyed by the discussions on guns or mental health (if anything I'm grateful, even when someone says something totally off-putting, that most people seem to at least in this moment be in a place where they're willing to discuss it in the first place... I would also like to point you in the direction of this, which is the one thing that's being posted that I found particularly poignant and will hopefully make some people want to discuss how we deal with the mentally ill).  I'm not irritated or annoyed by the quote about the incident that claims to be from Morgan Freeman (it's not - the person just seems to have put his name to it so that it got circulated.)

What I am annoyed by - and tell me I'm not alone here - is this, that's been circulating the last couple of days:


I originally saw it in my newsfeed because a friend of mine commented on one of their friends' posting of it.  Then I read an article on Mike Huckabee making basically the same statement.  Then a cousin posted it who is not that bright but means well.  Then an aunt, who is really sweet but I don't think really put any thought into exactly how offensive this could be right now.

Again, these people who posted it are generally sweet people, who I think are just a little clueless and posting this only because their reading comprehension has led them to believe that it's saying "this is happening because we've turned our back on G-d".

That's not what it says though, does it?  It says that there is violence in school because we don't allow G-d in school.  And seeing as how this is being posted now, when at least in America you are either thinking about this Connecticut incident constantly, or trying your very best not to think about it, it's saying that this happened because there's no prayer in schools.  Because in public schools, they don't enforce Christian prayer and they try their very best to be inclusive of all religions by not mentioning them at all.

I have zero problem with people talking about praying about this, or saying that we should turn to G-d.  That is of course a very genuine, kind, and positive reaction when something like this happens.  As I'm writing this there is an all-denominations memorial happening in Connecticut and I think that is lovely. What offends me about this doesn't have anything to do with being anti-religious or worrying about one religion stepping on another religions toes.  I am not okay with this quote.

Had I seen this at some other point in time I would disagree, sure, but I wouldn't be terribly offended.  This is being circulated now as a response to what has happened.

Fine, fine, I'm not religious.  Tell me I don't get it.  But I'm not an atheist either - so the very idea that anyone is implying that this happened because G-d is pissed about prayer not being in the US public school system is ludicrous and offensive.  (I'm sorry, as many things as I may have wrong about this life I refuse to believe that G-d is that tiny seeing as how I still find it hard to believe that people can be that tiny).The idea that the shooter did what he did because he didn't pray in school is also ludicrous and offensive.  (Also?  I believe the shooter was homeschooled.)  I have no idea if this is meant to say that the kids had this brought upon them because they didn't pray in school, or that the shooter did it because he didn't, but holy shit me.  Really?  Would either scenario be a better thing to say?

And the thing that offends me the most about it?  Whether or not you realize it, it implies that these kids would not have died if there was prayer in school.  That this is as a result of not following a Christian agenda in schools. There's a hint of "I told you so" to it that is just completely and totally inappropriate not to mention totally unrelated.

I'm not even going to begin to get into how many murders there have been in history on behalf of religion and G-d.  Religious people murder.  Non-religious people murder.  Black people, white people, men, women, Christians, Jews, etc. etc.  To try and blame it on simple personal statistics is disturbing and the idea that morals and religion always intersect is ignorant.  People murder because they're mentally disturbed, they snap, or they are devoid of morals.  They have access to a weapon and a victim.  Whether that person is an atheist or a snake charming evangelist rarely has anything to do with it.

This happened because someone who was mentally ill got ahold of a gun and decided to off himself in a way that would attract attention.  That is why it happened. His religion, lackthereof, sex, race, sexuality, or the fact that he was autistic (which is an entirely separate entry and very real concern I have that now people who have never heard of Aspergers are going to associate it with violence and/or a mental illness, which it is not) have absolutely nothing to do with it.  I repeat, someone who was mentally ill got ahold of a gun and decided to off himself in a way that would attract attention.  This is something that should make us wonder how we can better handle gun control, how we can better protect people and how we can better handle people who are mentally ill.

(Just think for a moment how much you would like it if someone told you you weren't pregnant because you weren't praying in the way that they do or in their preferred forum... and then multiply that times a million).

I am totally for talking about G-d and prayer when something like this happens, or any time you want, for that matter.  We should all be doing some sort of prayer for these people and if that's not your thing, then thinking some positive thoughts and good vibes their way.  But to imply that this happened in the first place because we don't require children to do that in public schools?  Disgusting.

I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone by being offended by this.  The people who posted this on Facebook are actually lovely and I'm guessing (hoping) that they didn't read it in the same way that I did.... I'm venting about it here again knowing I could offend some people because I just have to let it out rather than attack someone who I know means well.  (And I get that most people who would post something like this mean well... We're all just kind of reaching for words or the thing to say, here.)

This is the time to come together and have reasonable, open minded discussions about how we help prevent something like this and how we help the people who had to live through such a horror.  It's not the time to go finger-pointing or suggesting if only other people had your lifestyle, things like this wouldn't happen.

But whether these children were all in school praying 8 hours a day to whatever G-d you would prefer or grew up in a house where they don't believe in G-d, they had a right to live.  Whether this gunman was praying 8 hours a day to whatever G-d you would prefer or grew up in a house where they didn't believe in G-d, he did not have a right to do this.

On to happier thoughts tomorrow.


33 comments:

  1. I had a bit of a different take on it. I assumed it meant that awful things happen in godless places. This FB post is akin to an email chain that circulated after Katrina stating that the hurricane occurred because New Orelans is a godless place full of gay people and black people.

    Either interpretation is a despicable use of God and religion.

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    1. It's completely despicable and I don't even think (or at least I really hope) that people don't realize how it comes across. It is *SO* not the time to be showing the "if only you were more like us" side of religion but the GOOD side of religion (which seems to be happening at the memorial right now).

      And even though it's not totally comparable as it is a million times grosser, apparently the westboro baptist people are planning on protesting at the kid's funerals. Apparently.

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  2. I completely agree with you. Thanks for posting this.

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    1. Thank gawd. It's been circulating so much today I was starting to think I was the only one that thinks this is such an asshole thing to be saying right now.

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  3. I think it kinda makes G-d look like an asshole!

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    1. Which really isn't cool to represent him that way!

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    2. Agreed! It's completely underestimating G-d. If there is a G-d he certainly isn't this TINY... Again, I'm having a hard enough time thinking that human beings can be thinking this tiny right now.

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    3. Okay! I couldn't help it! I just lost it on Facebook and asked people to stop making God look like an asshole!

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  4. I am mostly trying to avoid anything to do with this whole tragedy. It is seriously too much for me right now. I check some news articles for facts but I can't deal with all the FB debates.
    I hadn't seen that post before. I take it the same way you do. It almost feels like they are saying the kids deserved it. My first reaction when I heard some preacher blame this whole thing on not having prayer in school was that I want no part of a god that would be that petty and mean. Not a great advertisement for any religion if you ask me.

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    1. Yeah the FB debates are pretty gross. I would find that mildly irritating FOR SURE (there was a girl who commented on my friend saying the President gave a lovely speech by saying 'omg he's just trying to further his political career that's all'. Umm... really?!?! I was no fan of President Bush but when he spoke about 9/11 it didn't occur to me to think he wasn't genuinely horrified no matter what I thought of him).

      And EXACTLY - that is NOT an advertisement for religion or for G-d and they're putting it up like it's something very clever and wise to say right now. It was at least a relief to see a little bit of the multi-faith memorial they had on TV because honestly this pic had me so mad I could barely see straight.

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  5. yes I've seen this on facebook today too. My question is what "god" who is this "god" that people speak of, because I would really like to know!!!

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    1. Right?! It is SO hard not to say anything on Facebook but I don't know if it's even an argument worth having because I don't understand why it's related at all! WHY would that be an appropriate response to what happened? And who is this hateful, spiteful god of which you speak that would punish us like this over our politics?!

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  6. Unfortunately, the idiots that post this shit aren't that deep! In my fb stream.. The same idiot that posted that picture continued to say law bidding citizen. Over and over and over. It's called law abiding citizen you jackass! God help these idiots.

    On a more serious note.. This is so sad. I rarely have no words... And I simply have no words.

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    1. Law bidding citizen... oh good Lord. One of the folks that posted this is also one of the ones that immediately took to saying that we have no business even discussing gun control, ever. I'm sorry but if you're going to take a 200 year old statement on weapons completely seriously (when they were talking about... muskets) then I'm thinking you have to take the whole separation of church and state thing seriously too, right?

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  7. As an atheist I have to say that the implication that I cannot be a moral person without god is very insulting. My husband is also an atheist and he is without doubt the most moral and deeply good person I know.

    I believe religion should be covered in schools in an an information type way and that all religions and also humanism atheism and non belief should be talked about but that indoctrination and faith is for parents to teach there children outside of school.

    On a separate point, I dislike the amount of detail the news is going in to. I have switched off now as I was feeling like a voyeur.

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    1. Yeah, it's getting to be pretty gross the amount of coverage. I get it, I do - I have a completely morbid sense of curiosity and like I've said on here before when something awful happens I'm one of those people that wants/needs to stare at the awful. But... even for me it's getting a bit intense and at this point until something new develops as far as details to go I'm only interested in hearing the victims names, maybe something about who they were before this happened, thinking good things on their behalf.

      And ohhhhh Lordy YES. I have discussions with my friends all the time about how being a moral person and a religious person don't always intersect. I plan on raising my kids (should I have them) to decide for themselves what kind of religion or lack thereof they want in their lives. The idea that the only way people will be good is if they think they'll be punished otherwise in the afterlife is.. scary.

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  8. There are just no words. You say it all. Hugs dear gal.

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  9. I like your take on the quote and on asperbergers and the soon-to-be-relationship between a horrible condition and violence. My cousin has asperbergers and I hate to think that she would be associated with such a horrendous act, or even the ability to act in such a horrendous way as a result of her condition. We are adding another stereotype to mental illnesses that is not necessary or welcomed.

    I am religious and I agree with you--this is a fallacy; one thing (lack of prayer in schools) does not directly CAUSE something else to happen. Could it possibly be a component? Sure, but so could anything else like a breakup or not taking medicine or anything, really! It's just poor, faulty logic. And as others have mentioned above, who is this spiteful God? I haven't seen such a spiteful portrayal of God since the Puritans.

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    1. If I was religious as you are I think I would be even more pissed... because the way religion is being represented over and over again is just awful, and this was really a golden opportunity to show the GOOD sign of religion, you know? I'll take your God over these peoples' any day.

      My husband has Aspergers. Not something I've really talked about on this blog (though now I think I may have to write an entry about it). It really scares me, and him, because unfortunately most people have never heard of Aspergers and this is going to be their association with it. When in reality Aspergers is as about as likely to cause something like this to happen as having diabetes is... I'm hoping, hoping hoping, since so many people have autistic kids nowadays that there will be a swift and thorough outcry if that starts to happen.

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  10. I agree with Luna -- as an atheist, I'm pretty miffed when I see crap like this T-shirt. The number of atrocities committed by religious fanatics, the number of times murderers claim they killed because G-d told them to do it (which is clearly due to a mental health issue, not actually hearing G-d, but still)... it just makes NO SENSE to say stuff like that. Morality comes from wanting to be a good citizen and having empathy and being fortunate enough to not suffer from one of MANY psychological conditions that can take over your brain.

    That article you linked to by that mom is fantastic, btw!

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    1. Loved that article... It's the only 'opinion' I've seen posted on Facebook that is actually worth reading.. because really, I have absolutely no idea what I would do if I had a kid like the one that mother describes having.

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  11. You know what things like this tell me about the person posting them? That they believe in a spiteful, vengeful, and (yeah, I'm going to say it) evil god who would sacrifice the lives of innocent children just because it wasn't getting its ego stroked. Who the fuck wants to believe in or worship a deity like that? And why is anyone ok with the thought that their god is such a horrible prick? I'm not an atheist, but I'd rather be an atheist than worship a god like that.

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    1. EXACTLY. It makes it impossible for someone like me who's an agnostic but tends to lean towards/like to think that there's something bigger than us out there to want anything to do with religion.

      It's like those people that come to my door telling me about how the gays are all going to hell and I have to hate basically everyone - or I'm sorry 'love' them but just discriminate against them - in order to get into heaven. It's like.. so let me get this straight. There is an after party after this life, and the only ones going are people like you, people who are afraid of everyone not like them, and all of my friends will be going elsewhere? And this is supposed to make me... want to go?

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  12. A Facebook "friend" of mine who I previously thought to be totally rational and savvy posted this to his page as well. I had to physically restrain myself from a snarky quip in the comments section...do people seriously not have a clue about the meaning behind this? And if they do...well...ditto to what you just said. The whole thing sickens and saddens me.

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    1. I haaaave to think that their reading comprehension level just isn't up to snuff? I hope? What really irks me (other than the entire message, that is) is that people who share stuff like this on facebook are doing it because they think it's CLEVER. And new, and interesting, and like "hey I found the answer". It would be pretty gross to be sharing in a fairly peaceful time but as a RESPONSE to this? So gross.

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  13. what amazes me is that the same people who post shart like that shirt and believe shart like that in general, fail to understand one of the basic tenets of their belief - [i am an atheist raised christian, so this is not outta my mouth but "theirs") - god made man in his image and gave man FREE WILL. if god had not given man free will, getting praise/worship from man would not have been satisfying to god. in giving man free will, lots of men are going to screw up. but that has to happen so that god can appreciate the praise from the good mens. besides that, god invented jesus so we can have that lovely cycle of sin-and-redemption that we see played out so frequently behind podiums by politicians who do great things like cheat on their spouses and father children with their mistresses. anyway, god therefore, HAS TO LET SHART LIKE MASSACRES HAPPEN IN ORDER TO FULFILL HIS OWN VANITY (which said evanjuggalos believe He is entitled to because He is just that good).

    so anyone who implies crap like 'god got your kid killed because the govt separated church and state' doesnt understand their own religion. god is hands off now. he told me so himself.

    am i off my rocker? or does anyone else see the hypocrisy here?

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  14. A lot of people are asking WHY at a time like this. And people are coming up with all sorts of possible reasonings. Violent video games, the way the kid was schooled (he was not homeschooled - if he was, it was for a short time because of behavioral problems), his parents' divorce a couple years ago, the fact that his mother was a gun enthusiast, etc etc. This is what happens whenever something tragic like this occurs. Everyone searches for answers. And I personally don't really care if people think it's because we are not letting God in schools. People can believe whatever they want and are completely entitled to that.

    I don't agree with what the shirt says, but again, people are just grasping at straws for answers for this massacre. More than likely, the people sharing the image of the shirt are doing it half-heartedly because it sounds good and it's about God. To believe there's any truth to it is the same as believing that he killed dozens of 1st graders because he's an atheist. It's all stupid, but people can believe what they want.

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  15. People who are saying this shit (one of which is the former governor of my state who I am ASHAMED of-we have an awesome governor now) Are basically equating God to a vengeful teenage ex-girlfriend:

    "You took me out of schools so now I'm going to let your children be murdered. Neenerneeenerneener"

    I am religious-I'm a United Methodist, and that whole idea, statement, belief or whatever you want to call it is bullshit. It pisses me off, because God doesn't roll that way. God is grieving with us. God would never want this, and in my opinion, I think God has more to be concerned about than prayer in schools. And for that matter, I was raised to believe that God is always with me in some way shape or form. I don't have to be praying to be near him.

    So yeah, once again, I call total bullshit on Huckabee and his cronies.

    Excellent post.

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  16. I grew up in a godless, prayerless home and so will my children. And I am so anti-gun and anti-violence it is ridiculous.

    Regardless what you believe, it is time to start taking responsibility for ourselves and our kind. It is weak and ignorant to put all of this on god. Humans need to take care of each other and take care to prevent this kind of hurt and despair. God is not going to do it for us.

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  17. I totally agree with you! This was a result of a man unhappy with his life, walking into an elementary school. This can happen anywhere. Thanks for posting this.

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  18. I'm a Christian and share your sentiments. Maybe this little quote was originally intended to be a commentary on separation of church and state (which many Christians I know actually endorse -- hello, we should all be free to make whatever faith decisions we want to!), but regardless it comes across as damning and persecutory. This is not the God I know. The God I know is grieving with us and is so sad for our suffering -- suffering in this tragedy and for these children, and also for the suffering of us infertiles. And I think we absolutely should be asking these questions to God about why these things happen. Evil and suffering are very sad and very scary and I think God is 100% capable of handling our anguish and confusion over them. On behalf of Christians (if the people who have posted this kind of thing are in fact Christians), I'm sorry for this close-minded, accusatory, and hurtful statement. Yuck.

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    1. I am a Christian too and I agree, the God we know, is suffering alongside us. Well said <3

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