Tuesday, December 3, 2013

The Results Show

Happy Tuesday, tiddlywinks!

It's DECEMBER!!! Mind you, this has been the longest 2 1/2 months of my life quite possibly but at the same time.. been so hyperfocused on IVF turned battle o late blooming embryos turned IVF (aka, full tilt boogie tour of all injectables) that I feel as though I should still be recovering from Halloween.

So I'm gonna talk about the last week, my Beta tomorrow, the end of FET, etc.. So if you're not in a place for it - skip this!  Skip it!  Skip that shit!

Get out of here guilt free or so help me this cat will get you when you LEAST EXPECT IT.

(Source.)

Are they gone?

Are we sure?

Okay just in case - one more pic and then you're in or you're out or I shall punish you like this dog!


Ready?

Almost exactly four years, eleventy rounds of clomid, 1.5 IVFs, many special tests, 90 gajillion shots, one chemical pregnancy, many miracles, so much money and one FET later - as of this moment, I am pregnant.

PREGNANT.  With like, a HUMAN BABY. (Or babies).

PREGNANT. La Bamba and/or Heisenberg dug deep.

None of it has sunk in yet.  None of it.  None.

PREGNANT.  And we're talking about ME here.

Okay backing up.

My transfer was last Monday and I tell you I felt weird pinches that day (I'm guessing Heisenberg as he is THE ONE WHO KNOCKS.)

The night of Thanksgiving, as it's starting to hit me it may not work, I start getting dull cramps and the tiniest little spritz of red flecks (and I mean tiny - a mentally stable person would have probably missed it.)

I start feeling like I'm getting the flu I'm so tired - I of course think I'm just getting the actual flu on top of my negative-to-come and start getting weepy about my bad luck.  It was actually a very relaxing holiday at my Moms and I ate ALL THE THINGS.

Saturday, Bub and I come home having agreed that I will hold out to test until Monday.  Beta scheduled for Wednesday, and if there is no hope I really want to be eased into it instead of being shocked.  So Monday.  Monday makes sense.

Naturally, after we get home I go out to get Jamba juice - and a pregnancy test. Just going to ease myself into seeing that negative - it's only 5dp5dt at this point (10dpo for you non-IVFers, 10 days past ovulation for you fertiles) which is LUDICROUSLY early because my period wouldn't be due for 6 days.

I put my purchased FRER in my purse, take purse into bathroom, pee into cup.  Dip in FRER.  Set aside.  30 seconds later look, and start cackling like a mad woman.  Then I yell "HEYYYYY!!!" and start sprinting out of the bathroom for Bub, and say oh by the way I'm pregnant and PS I bought a pregnancy test.

What you're looking at - top one is Saturday at 5 PM, middle is Sunday at 5 PM, bottom is yesterday at 5 PM.


I paged my Doctors office. Initially the on-call Doctor said to wait until Wednesday (14dpo) as planned, but then she called me on Sunday to say she spoke to my Doc and to come in early on Monday.

So I had my Beta yesterday - took forever to hear back, but my hcg is 44. (Keep in mind that's two days early - but yeah, I thought it'd be a little higher). I am pregnant.  Doc said to keep doing what I'm doing, it seems to be working, come in for retest on Wednesday to make sure number is doubling.

I go back and forth between "holy shit I'm pregnant" and it not hitting me AT ALL.  Like, AT ALL.  Yesterday getting my number made me realize I kind of have PTSD about pregnancy... Just keep having to remind myself this is SO much earlier/darker/higher than last time.  And I already feel... weird.

Please pray for nice, doubling numbers by tomorrow.  I am at the end of the line here, last stop to have a baby- I promise to be a benevolent and understanding knocked up woman.  Let me be that crazy story you tell people when they're losing hope. Light a candle, think a happy thought, send some good juju, this has to be it (or them).  Has to be. Any good vibes you have I will appreciate.

I almost hesitated in posting this today but am pushing through.  Tomorrow is going to be awesome! Awesome awesome.

Everything is going as it should (which who knew could HAPPEN to ME) so far.  I just have to keep reminding myself I'm actually pregnant.

I'm pregnant I'm pregnant I'm pregnant I'm pregnant.


57 comments:

  1. Yay! Yay! Yay!!!!! Keep saying it over and over again, cause it's true!! Those are great looking lines and I'm sending lots of good vibes for a good doubling number tomorrow! xo

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  2. Whooop de whoooooop! Been keeping my fingers so crossed for days they may soon fall off , totally worth it tho to have my favourite Stork knocked up! ;-)

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  3. Eff yeah!!! I hear ya on the pregnancy PTSD. Still convinced something will go wrong. Hopefully we can both stay positive.

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  4. Agh!!! I am so excited for you! Those lines look great to me :)

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  5. Yaaaay! And I'm sticking with my 200 number for tomorrow (when we played that game, I thought it was for 9dp5dt as it was... not 7dp5dt!)

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  6. Fuck yes! I am thrilled that this is happening!!!! Can't wait to hear your next beta numbers! I hope it's twins!!! Congratulations!!!

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  7. I already said it on Twitter.... BUT SQQQQUUUUUEEEEEE!

    POSITIVE THOUGHTS, UNICORN FARTS, AND RAINBOWS SHOWERS. Let's not forget the SPRINKLES!

    Hoping this is IT.

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  8. HOLY!!! YAY! I am a creeper, and never have commented, but AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!!!!!! As someone in the very beginning of her infertile journey, this gives me hope.

    Will be crossing my fingers and wishing you double digits tomorrow!!!

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  9. Yay!!!! What wonderful news to brighten my day :) And the line is getting darker y'all so that is a good bloody sign!

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  10. Okay....I must be a witch or something.....but yes I told you I had the dream about you last night, so when I got up this morning I looked at your blog hoping to see a post of sticks.....and it came later, but here it is. I have tears welling up here lady....and that beta is beautiful!!!! I had mine a day early and I think it was 110, which is right where you are!!!! Oliver is stoked!!!!

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  11. I'm over here crying/sobbing so many happy tears for you guys (at work none the less and my male partner is about to have me committed but that's neither here nor there) I love miracle stories and yours my friend is a beautiful miracle! A testament to never give up hope!! Congratulations!! Lots of happy ju-ju, dancing, lighting of candles and prayers coming your direction!! Woo hoo!!

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  12. WAHOO!! You, my friend, need to call Webster's Dictionary and offer yourself up as the new definition of "against all odds". Such great news!

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  13. Woohoo! I am so very, very happy for you. Fingers crossed that you get nothing but good news from here on out.

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  14. So so so happy for you! Seems like all the craziness you've been through the past couple months has turned into something wonderful! I will thinking of you and high numbers tomorrow :)

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  15. Holy shit...you are PREGNANT!!!!!! So flippin excited for you. I hope those numbers doublw double double! Congrats!

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  16. YAY!!! So happy!!! Love seeing those lines get darker. It's your time - you deserve this. Sending positive vibes for a great beta tomorrow.

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  17. That is a nice line!! And my clinic would never test us till 9 days post 5 day at the earliest, and then they like a 50! So this is great news!! Hoping for doubling!!

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  18. YEAHHHHHHHH!!!! Doing a happy dance for you! I had a good feeling about those little fighters. Those lines are just getting darker and darker.
    I am totally buying the celebratory red velvet pancakes. The baby(s) will love them :)

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  19. Ahhhhhhh! So sorry edited! That is one hell of a line girl. You go on with your bad self. Tomorrow IS going to be awesome.

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  20. I don't know if I have ever actually commented on your blog but I have been reading along for a while and I am thrilled for you!!! Congrats!!!

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  21. Holy crap! Congratulations!! Fingers crossed for great doubling (at least!) numbers tomorrow!

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  22. I am so very happy for you! Stick baby/ies stick!

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  23. Congratulations!!!!! Prayers for a sticky bean(s)!

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  24. Amazing news!!!!! Congrats lady! :-)

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  25. Hell yeah!!!! My first beta with the TWINS was 45. All about the doubling time. Congrats!!

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  26. Yay! Idk if I have ever commented but congrats. Sending positive juju ur way that it doubles!!

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  27. that's so wonderful! Incredibly happy to read this.

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  28. Annnnnd I'm sobbing!!!! I'm so over the moon for you!!!

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  29. Fantastic! I am beyond thrilled for you!

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  30. AAAAGGGGHHHHHH!

    AAAAGGGHHHGHHHHHHHHGGGGGHHH!!!

    Yes. Yesyesyesyesyes. I just knew these two were going to be your baby gold. I can't wait to watch you get more and more pregnant. Gah. Maybe you'll even join me in twindom.

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  31. Hooraaaay!! Sending you truckloads of good juju!

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  32. Yay yay yay yay hooooooray!!!! What awesome news. The tiredness and hunger and twinges? Yes! Congrats and good luck for upcoming betas :)

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  33. CONGRATULATIONS!!!! WOOO HOOO!!!! Keeping everything crossed for doubling betas!

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  34. I have been DYING since your transfer, waiting for the results. I am so freaking happy for you!!!! (Yes, lots of extra exclamation marks are needed.) Sending you lots of doubling (or tripling) thoughts. *big hugs*

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  35. Congratulations!!!! This is amazing news, I'm so happy for you :)

    I didn't have a beta, but at 8dp5dt my test was just as dark as your 7dp, & I'm currently snuggling one of my twinkles :)

    Wishing you a stress free, happy & healthy 9 months

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  36. Will be stalking Twitter today for news of the doubling (tripling?) beta! Huzzah!

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  37. Congratulations! This is wonderful, wonderful news. I am excited to hear about your numbers -- and to find out if you're with twins!

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  38. CONGRATULATIONS!! Praying for continued good news!

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  39. THAT SHIT IS DARK AS HELL!!! This is so so real. And it won't feel even a little real for the next few weeks. Your uterus has made my day times a million. With names like Heisenberg and La Bamba, I think you guaranteed their success.
    One question: Are you concerned about your moral obligation to name your children "Jesse Pinkman" and "Ricky" regardless of gender?

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  40. BOO YA! And that bottom test is beautiful and dark and saying - "oh ya there are cells dividing and growing and creating life in here".

    A big whoo hoo to your uterus !

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  41. Best news ever!!! YAY!!! My number started at a whopping 15. And now my little human is 9 months old. Sending you all the positive, fluffy, sticky baby vibes I possible can!

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  42. OMG! Awesome! Sooooo excited! Stick baby(ies), stick!

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  43. Holy Moly! 44 to 135? That beta tripled girl! So freakin' excited for you! Congrats mama, here's to the next hurdle (u/s at 8 weeks?)

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  44. I am beside myself with joy for you! (you whom i have never even met but have been following since my darkest IF days). i am so relieved this day is FINALLY here. feels like divine justice! No matter what happens next, you know you can & did beat the odds. Here's to following your stupid storkmama blog about sleep deprivation, clogged milk ducts, and Baby Oxyclean in 9+ months...

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  45. I am very happy for you!!!! I have never commented, but this is the right occasion to post my first comment. Congratulations! I am sure you will now have different kind of worries, but enjoy your pregnancy and babies. I am really really happy for you!!

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  46. I'm one of those lurkers who never comments, but freaking congrats!!!!! That is such amazing news. I wish you the best and hope that you get amazing strong numbers! So incredibly happy for you.

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  47. I keep compulsively checking your stuff to look for your second beta! Thinking of you!!!

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  48. I know that I am a week late, but OH MY GOD CONGRATULATIONS!!! I'm so excited for you lady!

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  49. *Bouncing up and down with excitement* YAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!!! Hoping for a great second beta for you!

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  50. A few days late commenting but CONGRATULATIONS and am sending MANY positive prayers and thoughts your way!!!! Not sure if I have been commenting enough, but I have been following from http://disappearingrose.blogspot.com/ and will continue to do so!! Very excited for you and your family!

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