Wednesday, January 16, 2013

31, 13

Good morning, interwebs.

I have been lurkey as of late, I know.  Forgive me future mamas, for I have lurked.  I have been silently in your front hedge with night vision goggles and a jar of vaseline, but I haven't made a peep so you and I don't even get the benefit of you being creeped out.  I'm working on it.

I am not... depressed.  I've had fleeting thoughts of "holy shit me in an alternate universe I would be 7+ months pregnant right now" but seeing as how I am mostly a cold hearted robot I still don't have anything to offer that thought, really, other than numbness.

I haaaave been having one of those marriage-renaissances that are awesome.  Bub and I are one of those weirdly happy married couples (don't get me wrong, we're fucking miserable jackasses in all other regards, but together we're happy... like that pair of old curmudgeon old men in the muppets.  We should all take a moment and be glad they found each other. ::bowing head in silent gratitude::).  Just one of those periods where I can't get enough of him.  Last night we spent a good hour naked in bed chitter-chatting about nonsense such as the HR lady in his office who every time she takes a sip of her drink, regardless of the beverage, looks at the bottom of the bottle and swishes it around.  I don't know if I'll ever be able to sleep again not knowing why she does that.

Those are the kinds of random, unplanned, not particularly exciting yet totally spectacular moments that make me think you know what, I'm happier just with Bub than most people are with their husbands and a brood of kids.  Someday should we have a state-of-the-art Bub-Stork hybrid, I'm thinking that'll put the kibosh on uninterrupted nudey time discussing people's crazyisms, and I'll miss it.

Mostly I'm sick of, and I think we can all collectively groan here which is part of why I love you, the endless barrage of happy news streaming through the common devil we all share known as FertileBook.

I'm thinking this is maybe just the silence before I take 2013 and make it my bitch.

Tomorrow I turn 31 in the year 13.  That's gotta be lucky, right?  Inverted numbers, 13 no less?  And my lucky number is 4.  It has to mean something, surely.... Okay fine but if I were wearing my super thick glasses instead of my contacts and was using a pointer to gesture instead of a cigarette you all would think this was brilliant.

This is how 30 started - such promise.

Ahh, there she is, innocent little drunken Jenny on a cold afternoon in January of 2012. Starting the year off right with drag queens and blow job shots.

30 was the year I lost 30 lbs.

30 was the year I had my first IVF which ended in early miscarriage.

30 was the year I celebrated my 6th wedding anniversary and 9 years of being with Bubba the Magnificent.

30 was the year I started a blog.

30 was the year a naughty mutt named Luna tapdanced her way into our hearts.

30 was the year Towanda the Honda died, and she was replaced with the Batmobile.

30 definitely had some positive moments for which I am grateful, but 30 was overall not so hot.

30 will pale in comparison to 31.

31 in 2013 is my year, people, I am fucking due.


  1. Happy (early) birthday!

    I'm glad to hear that you're ready to kick 2013's ass. It'll never know what hit it!

    1. P.S. I'm not really anonymous. Grrrr. This is what happens when you switch blogs. Everything goes to hell.

  2. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear storky stork! happy birthday to you.

    2013 is gonna kick 2012 ' s ass to shit. For both of us!

  3. Happy early birthday! 31 in the year's a palendrome so it has to be a lucky year. :)

  4. I'm so glad that my husband and I are not the only married couple who has long naked conversations about nothing. I'm convinced there is a positive correlation between that and happiness in marriage.

  5. Happy early birthday! Glad to head that I'm not the only one who enjoys naked convos about other people with my man. I don't feel so alone!

  6. You are gonna ride 2013 like a stallion! I mean, the year is the stallion, not you. That didn't work.

    Suck it, 2012!!

  7. Stomp the shit out of 2013. Show it who is boss.

  8. Here is hoping that 2013 brings only good your way.

  9. 31 is waaaaaaay better than 30....30 was an ok year for me, but 31 was when better. Here's to your 31st year being super spectacular!!!! Hugs and love and all that shit!

  10. absolutly! i just found yoru blog and I can tel you are due! happy birthday!

  11. I want to start my year with drag queens and blow job shots (whatever those are)!! How do I make this happen?

  12. "Marriage-Renaissance." Love it. That's how good marriages work. Even though we have moments of frustration, annoyance, and all out craziness, we come back together and just enjoy BEING together. Love your story about talking naked in bed. Great :)

    Also, blow jobs and drag queens are the only way to welcome in #30. How will you welcome 31? I can tell you, as a 31-and-one-month-year-old, that it's not as exciting as 30 was.

  13. Fuck you. Now all I can think about is why in bobble-headed-jesus-on-a-dashboard's name does she do that peeky swirly thing with her drinks? Every single time? I would bring her drinks just to see if it's every single time. has anyone pointed it out to her? Nah, her world would collapse as she probably doesn't even realise she does it. People. Are. Wierd. But now I'm wondering if there's something that I do that makes people think 'The fuck does she do that for?' Happy birthday too, dude!

  14. I fully believe that 31 in 13 is lucky. I have been trying to start this year off with drag queens (I am obsessed with going to drag brunch since I learned about it's existence from you) but have yet to make it happen. I must make it happen.

  15. 2013 - Kill it. It's your year for realzies.

  16. Happy happy early birthday! I do hope 2013 is your lucky year (and for whatever its worth, I have a good feeling about it for you).

    I can shed some light on the swirly drink thing, cause I do it and it annoys the crap out of my husband. I swirl to make sure no crap/things that shouldn't be in there float up to the top before I drink. It also is a strange procrastination method in which I contemplate in that two second swirl whether I would like another sip. Its wierd, I know.

    Happy belated anniversary as well! It makes me happy to see a really truly happily married couple out there!

  17. You are due. I hope 31 brings nothing but joy and peace. And maybe some fun.

  18. Happy birthday this is your year take it and run with it

  19. Happy 31st Birthday! I think you are right...31 is going to rock! I definitely like reading into numbers and turning 31 in the year 13 is a sure sign of good luck to come! I can't wait to read about all the great things that happen for you this year! :)

  20. I'm a day late, but I hope that you had a great birthday yesterday AND that you have a wonderful year!!

  21. are way over due!!! Kickin some ass kickin some this year!!! Why are you way too cute....I love how you spent your 30th it... Btw I just saw the best drag show ever....The Golden Girls!!! I'm so happy you and Bubba are so in's such a beautiful thing. Here's to you girl....happy birthday!!!!

  22. Thinking of you <3

  23. Happy Birthday!

    Just wanted to let you know I am no longer a lurker-loo. I started off 2013 by starting my own blog and officially following all my favorite blogs - and your's is at the top of my list. I love how you always make me spit my coffee out laughing :)