Thursday, March 28, 2013


Greetings blogosphere!

Yes I have been weirdly absent.  There is not going to be any giving up on this blog, so if you're worried I'm going to be one of those ones that fizzles before it dies, it's not gonna happen.  Stick with me I'm coming back slowly but surely, I am I am.

The simplest way to explain it is that I've just been focusing on getting my body and head right.. To be around pregnancy, sure, but mostly to stop totally numbing myself out to infertility altogether.  I would like to not be totally numb and ignore it, and I would also not like to feel every last little thing about it all the time so that it's consuming my whole world, if that makes sense.  And as of late it feels like it's one of those things with no middle ground which for me at least does not make good writing - but I'm approaching middle ground, finally. Methinks.  Hopefully writing it out doesn't jinx it.

But I miss you.  I'm gonna start putting in an effort again because it's weird to not have my free internet therapy. And it's weird because mostly I miss you for all the not fertility related things... It's nice to have people to talk nonsense with and know confidently in the back of my head that no, seriously, if I have a bad day... she gets it.

What have you missed?

1. I have decided to enhance my grocery shopping lists when Bub goes to the store so he doesn't inexplicably come home with none of the items I have asked for, but all the hot sauce in the greater valley.

2.  I've felt weirdly tired and kind of out of it for a few weeks, and then frustrated because going to the gym 3-6 times a week has resulted in exactly the same amount of weight loss that I accomplished when my exercise consisted of running for the remote from couch to coffee table to turn off the sad-animal commercials.  A quick jaunt to the ER on Tuesday from some pain - turns out I have a kidney infection!

3.  Bub went to south by southwest for a few days, where in addition to having music they have some sort of nerd summit that he went to for work.  I feel like I have heard the phrase south by southwest before in passing, but didn't really know what it was and am delighted to report back that it is not, as originally suspected, the name of some cowboy themed whore house (I may or may not have inspected him for glitter upon his return).

4.  I am positively delighted by how many people on my newsfeed have changed their profile pictures to this little gem in the last couple of days:

In case you are living under a rock, or are far cooler and with more self control than I and therefor NOT dancing with the devil known as Fertilebook, people (particularly straight ones) have been changing it to this sassy little equal sign, or one of it's even sassier variants like this -

or this -

in response to the US Supreme Court hearing going on right now about whether to turn over Prop 8 here in California, or possibly whether or not denying gays the right to marry is unconstitutional in the whole country

Ya'll know, unless you're new to me in which case we should get it out of the way now mayhaps, this is a particularly important issue to me. I suppose everyone has at least one issue that they're particularly passionate about, this is mine (and a lot of other peoples... Even ones who don't give a shit about politics, usually).

I freely admit that I do not have the patience to argue about this one, anymore.  It's ludicrous.

Louis C.K. does this great bit about how it had to suck being Abraham Lincoln because when he was arguing with people who were for slavery, he had to approach it like he could totally see why they felt that way. You know, "oh yeah, it's totally awesome that you have people working in the fields for no money or fair treatment, don't get me wrong, but, you know, there's this other side to it...."

I admittedly could not be that person about this.

All my other liberal mindedness I will happily discuss with you, disagree with you, and try to get it from other perspectives.

Not this one.

To me it's not 'liberal' or 'conservative', it's right and it's wrong (as evidenced by the many, many, many conservatives on my newsfeed who strongly disagree with me about everything else and still have this badboy as their profile picture).  It's discrimination, fear and hate vs. acknowledging other people don't have to be like you, love and acceptance.

If you are against spouses of the same sex, then don't get yourself one.  (Although lawdy lawdy could I use a wife).  Much like 50+ years ago if the idea of marrying someone outside of your race icked you out, excellent, you don't have to.

Also, to be clear, I would also like to state for the record that this is not a downward spiral to people marrying chickens.  No I'm not an atheist, I don't agree with everything that he says (though I do enjoy him) and I openly admit that he's kind of an asshole, but my feelings on this particular argument can be summed up with this lovely quote:

Bubs and my favorite argument is, of course, that marriage is for procreation.  So by that logic our marriage is null and void, as is all those cool cats who choose to not have children, or those that get married post-menopause.  (By this argument do my grandparents have to divorce?  After menopause are you just supposed to say 'see ya' and move to your very own cat-and-porcelain-figurine filled apartment?  This is unclear).

I also believe that this is mostly - mostly! - because gay sex 'icks' a lot of people out.  (Again... then don't have it.  Although I think maybe you're just not watching the right porn).
  1. If we get to vote on who gets to be married based on who having sex disgusts us, there are going to be a whole mess of straight people I'm voting off of sex island.
  2. I'm not particularly into S&M but I don't lurk in front of courthouses with a sign that says 'G-D HATES GAGS'.
Also, I don't understand the need to get up in everybody's crotch anyone.  Aside from all human beings being safe please, concerning yourself with how other people are doing it I'm gonna assume that you're not doing it right.  I have orgasms on a regular basis and I'm pleased as punch that other people are having them.

And as I said on Facebook this morning, I do not understand how hard that last bit is to get.  I have trained my corgi to not go sniffing around other people's crotches.  My corgi.

I realize it's most unfortunately a one-step-at-a-time thing, but I have to say as an adoptee.... Had I gotten stuck in the system, there's not one fucking part of me - not one little nucleus of a cell - that would've thought 'sure I'm in foster care and I feel unloved and unwanted, but thank G-d I'm not in the home of a loving lesbian or gay couple'.

And of course, the mother of all arguments, this will take something away from your marriage.


Here's my bottom line.  I am happily married.  Infertility is a bitch don't get me wrong, but I am deliriously, happily married.  I am so lucky.  I am lucky to have found Bub, as there are people far better than me who have not found their Bub yet.  I am so lucky, and there's not one part of me that wants anyone who gets that lucky to be denied the right to say 'husband' or 'wife', because it's awesome.. and it's hard enough finding them in the first place.

But I was delighted to see all of those equal signs go up (and they're still up).  I'm a total cynic - you know this - but I think it at the very least makes a nice, quiet, simple statement, without having to argue, that you're behind people that you love, or people that you don't even know but who are blessed to be IN love. (Love is a blessing that I have, and I do not own the exclusive rights to... It does not make me the authority on other people's right or lackthereof to have the same thing that I have.).  People who I honestly didn't think prior to a couple of days ago would have even been for marriage equality.  It makes my grinchy heart swell.

And if they decide that denying people the right to marry is against the law ("no!  We were wrong when we discriminated before, but this time...") then please blame straight people, they're the ones that keep having the gay ones.


  1. Thanks so much for this! My wife and I have had a stressful week-between this and TTC hormones it hasn't been pretty. It means so much to hear a straight person stand up for our rights and with such passion. Keep fighting the good fight! <3
    Don't be so hard on yourself about working out! Hang in there-I bet the results are more apparent to others than yourself . :)

    1. Omg! Hormones PLUS this supreme court shenanigans! You poor dear... You poor dear.

      It's disgusting that I even have to say anything about you or anyone else getting the right to get married. Di...sgusting. And I have no patience for it! Just none.

  2. I miss your posts!!

    I loved seeing all of the red lines all over FB. It made me so happy. The tide is truly turning!!

    1. Hey gurlll heyyyy! It was WILDLY impressive. I love it when there are moments that make me go 'holy shit I'm way too cynical about people sometimes' and they are few and far between.

  3. So glad you are back to blogging! I am a black and white, all or nothing person myself, so Iget how you feel. I am working on it. Therapy.

    Thanks for this great post about marriage equality! Sorry about your infection - as if we need anything else to deal with! Looking forward to more posts soon!

    1. Right? How does anyone even GET a kidney infection... Evidently I was wandering around with a bladder infection for awhile and that's how it happened, but I genuinely just thought I was more tired than usual... Doh.

  4. This is one area that I really can't understand the difference between Canada and the US. We're usually so similar in most stuff, but gay marriage has been legal here for a while and pretty much nobody could give two shits. There's always talk from conservatives of reopening the abortion issue, and yet gay marriage doesn't even get mentioned. The concept of marriage as a whole hasn't disintegrated in Canada just yet, and last I checked we hadn't legalized inter-species marriage either. Such stupid arguments from such small minded people! I firmly believe that most of the anti-gay marriage folks will be looking back on themselves in 20 or 30 years (I'd love to say sooner but let's be realistic) and will be embarrassed that they fell on the wrong side of history in this one.

    1. AGREED! I'm kind of surprised that the supreme justices haven't looked to all the other countries where gay marriage is totally legal and HASN'T CHANGED ANYTHING (at least not for the worse), or at least looked at the states that have allowed it and, once again, the fact that nothing is any different except a few more people are a lot happier. It's being treated with the insanity of the millenium-fearers -- those people who thought there'd be total anarchy as soon as we went from 1999 to 2000. And guess what? NADA! Same old shit! So yeah... there literally is zero argument against gay marriage that makes even the remotest sense.

    2. There is no argument - none that are logical! There has NEVER been a time when we've discriminated against law-abiding consenting adults and been PROUD about it later. NEVER. And then when you make the argument 'umm, they didn't want blacks to marry whites 50 years ago' people have the audacity to say 'that was different' or 'this is because of the Bible'. I'm sorry... Every crazy person holding up signs in front of courts back then had Bible verses they thought backed them up as well.

      My favorite argument is that I'll be forced to marry a woman or a chicken. If so I hope both my wife and chicken are nice.

      Agreed - I don't understand why people don't look at Canada in regards to this (or healthcare but that's another thing) and then realize that it hasn't erupted into anarchy as a result.

  5. I have my sign as my profile picture! And wear it proudly, dammit. I don't hold discussions though. After hearing that I am "sinning" by believing in equal rights, and being "unfriended" on FB because of what I say about it, I am done. I like how you said it though: It's a way to stand behind a group of human beings without getting everyone pissed. Love this post, by the way.

    1. I love it! There are definitely people who have never made a political statement on facebook ever (bless them they're probably wiser than I) who put up the picture, silently. It's a nice quiet way of saying 'I'm with love, bitches'.

      And good gawd.. If lose followers or 'facebook friends' (whatever those are) over it... good riddance.

  6. Love love love this. I miss your posts and am glad that you are going to be posting more again. :) Agree, agree, agree to every.single.word. People need to open up their brains and get with it. Love is love and everyone deserves to have equal rights. Period.

    1. You I love.

      See I think people who have enough love in their life (well who can ever have enough - but you know what I mean, they're appropriately loved) or sex for that matter really don't care. A waaaay over simple way of looking at it is like Valentine's Day - if you're with someone, whether you think valentine's day is a stupid hallmark holiday or you go apeshit over it, either way, you tend not to get hostile and start telling people how they should or shouldn't celebrate it.

  7. Agreed!!!! My favorite one is the pic of Paula Deen sitting on the equal sign that reads " it's like two sticks of butter y'all". I love it all. I love seeing that most everyone is changing their profile. I was raised by extremely liberal parents so all of this is wacky to me and my family. It makes no sense at all that this is even an issue....makes me very sad:(

    p.s. love your grocery list!!!

    1. I saw that one! Loved it!

      Yeah, I don't understand either.. And even though every person who's even mentioned in on my newsfeed has either had great things to say or they just quietly put up the picture, I had a friend-of-a-friend posting nonsense arguments today on someone's picture... About how this is not even an issue and how the 'government is just trying to divide us'.

      Suuuure... Just like how in the 60s the government up and decided to divide us about race, when everything was hunky dory in the 50s!.... unless of course you weren't a white straight male.

  8. I missed you something fierce! Welcome back! Great first post too!

  9. I want to change my pic, but haven't been able to get to my laptop to do so. Trying to do it on my phone or iPad is too complicated....I did share it and post it to my wall. I too feel strongly about this subject, and I'm not really political. Even my republican husband is behind this movement.

    I have missed you dear...but sometimes you just gotta take care of you! Welcome back!

  10. "But I miss you. I'm gonna start putting in an effort again because it's weird to not have my free internet therapy" This is EXACTLY how I feel! :D I totally understand where you are coming from