2013

Hola, Chiquita Bananas!

It. Is. 2013.

I think we can all agree (with a few exceptions, a happy wink in your direction) that 2012 overall sucked huge donkey balls.  Peace out, 2012.  You fucking sucked.

While yes, blah blah blah, there were moments of laughter and gratitude, for the most part my year in review looked like ass.  It's hard for a giggle here and there not to be totally overshadowed by a giant failure of an IVF followed by 6 months of energy pretty much exclusively being dedicated to not totally losing my shit.

So yes there were some good moments in 2012, but I just wanted to be clear that it overall sucked.  I am mentioning the fleeting happy moments with a stink face.  I am sick to death of attempting to grow as a person.  If anything I would like to shrink to 6 inches and pelt happy people in the face with pea shooters they can never pinpoint the source of.  But yes, I am thankful for an amazeballs husband, a Mother who is a saint, two ass-kicking albeit crazy best friends, a delightfully weird sister-in-law, you people, my truly ridiculous animals and for not totally losing my shit - in part because I'm a badass, but mostly because of all the aforementioned things to be grateful for.  Now leave me alone.

I was gone from the blogosphere because I was traveling to the best city in the world to spend holidays with the in-laws.

Some highlights of Stork Happenings since we last spoke:

• We have Stork Christmas on the 22nd.  DVDs, clothes.. I told Bubba to get me something that I don't need and that does not benefit him.  He bought us 10 movie dates.  Love that man.
• We load 2 cars full of stuff and 3 animals and head on down to the OC.  We have fake Christmas with my Mom which involves picture taking and traditional Christmas tamales.  (So normal people eat... turkey?  Right on the tail of Thanksgiving?)
• We travel to D.C. on the 23rd.  No one has a heavy bleeding episode, shits themselves, or angrily hurls a burrito across an airport terminal.  This is us growing as humans.
• When we arrive, we realize that the bathroom of poocoustics is in the process of being renovated.  For a moment briefly worry I'm going to have to shit in the front yard.  Saintly stepfather-in-law finishes it, and there is even a light fan.
• Christmas was half awesome, I made out like a bandit.  Bubella gave me some artwork & dvds, in-laws gave me stuff for house and slippers that make my feet look like monkeys.
• Christmas afternoon, we drop Bub off at airport.  He spends night at a hotel in Connecticut eating microwaved chimichangas and dutifully does his fancy spooj test first thing on the 26th (we find out in 3 weeks how that went).  His flight is cancelled on the way back because of a storm, so he drives home 7 hours in inclement weather.  I restrained myself and had a panic attack for only 6 1/2 of the 7 hours.
• I spend week tackling my sister-in-law, who just had her tonsils out, as much as humanly possible.  Seriously contemplate packing her in my suitcase.  We make art and decide to put our spit in it.
• As a late Christmas gift, sister-in-law gives me the plague.  By Friday I have a 103 degree fever and keep waking up thinking I'm in California.  I was apparently very concerned that Bub take Luna out so she didn't shit somewhere in the house. As per usual, Bubella with her evil uterine waves also gave me my period.
• We leave butt crack of dawn on New Years Day, so sad.  Plane empty, managed to sleep.  Traveling while sick:  not fun for ears.  Eat new years dinner with Grandparents who are weirdly arguing.
• Yesterday get all packed up to go home-home, everyone is ready, can't find cat.  We spend 2 hours searching for cat.  We tear apart house. I walk the neighborhood with a fever (we thought maybe she got out). We are preparing ourselves to be catless.  Obese cat wedged into secret compartment in arm chair.
• We are all home-home.  And today I am doing.... nothing.  Nothing, I say!

So that's it.  We're caught up.  I have a shit ton of reading to do today.  Allow me to tap dance my way back into your hearts.