Background
- My period shows up whenever it feels like it. Once a month, once every three months, once every six months.
- When I was 19, I had a wee bit of pain, found out it was a little endometriosis. Removed, no sign of it since.
2004
- I am a wee babe of 22. I meet "Bubba" (no we're not southern, I call him this because it's ridiculous). I meet him, move in with him 2 weeks later, which is ill-advised and would normally end up as some horrible lifetime movie where someone ends up killed, but somehow it worked for us. Crazy kids.
- After a few months, we throw caution to the wind and stop using condoms. This is not to try and conceive anything, it's just sheer laziness. Again, usually ill-advised.
2005
- We move from a big city on the east coast to the magical, ridiculous land of Hollywood, CA. Still not using condoms or anything, test every once in awhile when period is particularly absent, and nothing.
2006
- We get married in July on the hottest day (in southern California, mind you) of the year. Our originally outdoor wedding is moved inside so as to not kill any old people, and the ac breaks down. Greatest, sweatiest day of my life.
2007-2009
- All of my cousins (of which there are many) make an unbelievable amount of babies. This reminds me of that period in L.A. where everyone had to have a chihuahua. Babies are the new chihuahua.
2009
- We buy a 3 bedroom house a little outside of the city, next to an awesome elementary school. Buying a house does not equal a baby as they say, by the way. I am, however, growing chin hair and an unusual amount of lemons.
- I know that because my periods are irregular, TTC is going to take some maneuvering when we decide to.
- Around the holidays, when we're forced to spend more time with the ever expanding clan of baby-chihuahua's, I say to Bub "I think we should start trying". He says "but that means we could have a baby in nine months - I don't know if we're ready to have a baby in nine months". Often times when I'm using my time machine, I go back to this moment, point at him, and laugh.
2010
- February I go into my OB/GYN who knows I don't ovulate, and he starts me on clomid.
- I do about 6 cycles in a row of clomid.
- I start visiting what I affectionately refer to as my "sad women forums".
- I develop temporary-blindness from looking up people's success stories and pee sticks.
- Late 2010, I go to the lovely RE, Dr. Kickass.
- I'm told IVF is my best bet. I find that out, come home, my cat dies. This was a bad day.
2011
- Trying to figure out how to get money together, logistics of IVF. Do a couple of rounds of Clomid just for shits & giggles.
- Getting ready for IVF, get glucose tolerance test. Am a miniscule point or two away from being pre-diabetic.
- Take time off, quit smoking, quit caffeine, start eating healthy, quit regular pepsi ( my downfall).
- Everyone on the planet gets pregnant. Contemplating petitioning facebook to change their name to fertilebook.
2012
- Get back to RE, say "suit me up, coach".
- Re-take glucose test, get A+. Hooray for learning to cook.
- June, IVF. Poor fertilization (1 embryo) ends in mother effing chemical pregnancy.
- In December, Dr. Kickass gets Bubba into a super shnazzy sperm test to see if he's missing a protein - he is! Answers!
2013
- IVF #2 planned and we're adding Bub's missing protein to petrie dish. Gettin sci-fi, ya'll.
- Re-getting my shit together (weight loss, no more ambien) to healthy myself up.
- IVF #2 September/October.
- 20 eggs, first day 14 mature - NONE fertilize.
- Eggs that had extra day to mature: two fertilize! Miracle!
- Embryos make it to day 5 (MIRACLE), frozen
- FET in November
- November 30: BFP
- Baby Heisenberg (a girl!) due August 13, 2014
2014
- Holy shit balls we had a baby. Heisenberg is a stone cold weirdo and we love her so much.
I'm so sorry about your cat! The universe is a cruel bitch.
ReplyDeleteIsn't she?? Honestly it was such awful timing if I would've seen it in a movie I would've lost respect for the writer making it so unrealistic.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. I'm glad my post was helpful. I'm really sorry that your last IVF ended in a chemical. That sucks. Really.
ReplyDeleteI hope your follow-up appointment goes well and that you have a new and better plan in place soon!
Thanks girl!
DeleteI'm ready for this whole chemical thing to be over with, and on with the next.
Omg, hilarious. I mean hilariously awful. sorry. (also, I commented on your chemical pregnancy story but it never showed up.)
ReplyDeleteIt is hilariously awful! lol Perfect description. (I have no idea wtf is going on with my comments.. I looked for you even in my spam folder and to no avail! What. The. Hell. I need comment love).
DeleteI like your writing style..I will definitely be adding you to the list of blogs I read. My favorite line in this section is "Everyone on the planet gets pregnant. Contemplating petitioning facebook to change their name to fertile book"! This is priceless!
ReplyDeleteYay! I love that people are enjoying it..
DeleteI was a little worried that with my personality, starting a blog like this might provide nothing useful in terms of IF. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to have sad posts and posts about meds and such, but for the most part - goofy. Then it was pointed out to me that that's why I should start the blog - people need a little goofy. ;)
I found your site on TWW. I'm so sorry you had to go through all this. I am in a similar boat TTC #1. But your comment about your husband saying you might not be ready in 9 months made me chuckle. I felt the same way so many times - if only I knew then what I know (or am trying to decipher!) now, this may have been a whole different ball game. Best of luck girl!
ReplyDeleteHey there, Jerseygirl!
DeleteYay for new friends on the crappy "really, I can't have ONE?" boat.
I know, I would go back in time and kick him where it counts if I didn't have so much time & energy invested in where it counts. ;)
Where have you been my entire infertile life? This is hysterical. Having lived in SoCal for a few years, I am familiar with the Chihuahua phenomena. Now I live in NorCal and it's all babies all the time. At Farmer's Markets and cafes and stores. Pregnancy is so contagious. Except for me. I was clearly immunized at an early age. Regardless, I love your humor. Count me as a regular reader.
ReplyDeleteYay doping for baby!
DeleteI, too, was apparently immunized without my consent.
It's mostly my family who make baby-decisions much like I would make the decision to get a new handbag. Thankfully they are very small-town minded and I live more than 5 miles away which is a no no in their book.
stupid baby chihuahuas.
Stumbled on to your blog and I can't stop reading....I love your upfront sense of humor and honesty. I read last weeks secret sunday and damn near wet my pants laughing....I can't believe those women were brave enough to share their stories. I'm clicking on follow...and wishing you the best of luck..I too was immunized against my will, but I refused the booster and I finally caught the bug....It only took 4 1/2 years, 5 IUI's, 2 suspected and one confirmed miscarriage and one IVF to get it, but I finally caught.
ReplyDeleteHoping you catch the bug soon too!
Hey lady!
DeleteJoin us... Joins us! Drink the koolaid!
Thanks for the baby-virus wishes - I could use em'!
Hello from July ICLW! I love, loved, loved your timeline. Awesome. I've also gone a bit blind reading IF stuff online - blogs, sad women forums, medical literature. All of it. I just got a Mac so I'm hoping the improved clarity allows me to abuse my eyes even more.
ReplyDeleteSweet baby Jesus an ICLW person.. Hello! Hellooooo! I was beginning to think I was blacklisted.
DeleteI swear if fertility meds weren't so expensive I'd get a movie theatre sized screen and perhaps a laser pointer just for pee sticks.
Thanks for sharing your history! I think you are absolutely hilarious by the way! Good luck with round 2!
ReplyDeleteYay! Gracias for the compliment, lovely, and for the good luck! Much, much needed good luck!
DeleteI found your blog in TWW as I was torturing myself while waiting to miscarry since 8 o'clock this morning (that's when I took the cytotec). For what is worth, I like you and hope you get your baby(ies) in the end. Good luck Stork and Bubba!
ReplyDeleteOh, no! Emi!
DeleteI'm so-so-so-sorry to hear that. What a shitfest that is. Lots of interweb-sent love and good vibes from CA.
I think I love you! I'm sorry your on this sucktastic ride, but best to go through it with a sense of humor. Love your lifetime network comment. I say that all the time!
ReplyDeleteI DIG YOU! I love all funny women! I need more funny women in my life, damnit!
DeleteThis is probably the wrong place to be writing this, but your blog makes me happy :) Of course, not the shitty shit shit that you have to put up with, but just you, I guess. You're so clever and witty. I love it!
ReplyDeleteNow that I've been sufficiently lovey dovey, can we go make out?
This is probably the best timeline I have seen! Short and too the point, with a crazy sense of humor that I just love. I'm gonna have to read more now...
ReplyDeleteI just came across your blog and I am glad I did! Cant wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog and I think you're so funny! I love your sarcasm. I am also TTC for 2 years now. Wishing you baby dust and a better stork!
ReplyDeleteGood Luck this summer!!! I hope everything goes smoothly!
ReplyDeleteI just found your blog, you are too funny, I do like your attitude. I also think facebook should change their name. Trying to make a sibling for the IVF *2nd cycle) miracle we got in 2011. Using IVF again, not working............delighted to read more of your musings. Mgeb
ReplyDeleteLove the blog! It's so refreshing to find a blog that lightens up infertility and makes you laugh instead of feeling depressed lol! Good luck this summer! Fingers and toes crossed!!
ReplyDeleteAhem, there should be more here now, just sayin'.
ReplyDeleteSeconded. ;)
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