TTC Resume

The story of my uterus, if you will:

Background

• My period shows up whenever it feels like it.  Once a month, once every three months, once every six months.  
• When I was 19, I had a wee bit of pain, found out it was a little endometriosis.  Removed, no sign of it since.

2004

• I am a wee babe of 22.  I meet "Bubba" (no we're not southern, I call him this because it's ridiculous). I meet him, move in with him 2 weeks later, which is ill-advised and would normally end up as some horrible lifetime movie where someone ends up killed, but somehow it worked for us.  Crazy kids.
• After a few months, we throw caution to the wind and stop using condoms.  This is not to try and conceive anything, it's just sheer laziness.  Again, usually ill-advised.

2005

• We move from a big city on the east coast to the magical, ridiculous land of Hollywood, CA.  Still not using condoms or anything, test every once in awhile when period is particularly absent, and nothing.

2006

• We get married in July on the hottest day (in southern California, mind you) of the year.  Our originally outdoor wedding is moved inside so as to not kill any old people, and the ac breaks down.  Greatest, sweatiest day of my life.

2007-2009

• All of my cousins (of which there are many) make an unbelievable amount of babies.  This reminds me of that period in L.A. where everyone had to have a chihuahua.  Babies are the new chihuahua.

2009

• We buy a 3 bedroom house a little outside of the city, next to an awesome elementary school. Buying a house does not equal a baby as they say, by the way.  I am, however, growing chin hair and an unusual amount of lemons.
• I know that because my periods are irregular, TTC is going to take some maneuvering when we decide to.
• Around the holidays, when we're forced to spend more time with the ever expanding clan of baby-chihuahua's, I say to Bub "I think we should start trying".  He says "but that means we could have a baby in nine months - I don't know if we're ready to have a baby in nine months".  Often times when I'm using my time machine, I go back to this moment, point at him, and laugh.

2010

• February I go into my OB/GYN who knows I don't ovulate, and he starts me on clomid.
• I do about 6 cycles in a row of clomid.
• I start visiting what I affectionately refer to as my "sad women forums".
• I develop temporary-blindness from looking up people's success stories and pee sticks.  
• Late 2010, I go to the lovely RE, Dr. Kickass.  
• I'm told IVF is my best bet.  I find that out, come home, my cat dies.  This was a bad day.

2011

• Trying to figure out how to get money together, logistics of IVF.  Do a couple of rounds of Clomid just for shits & giggles.
• Getting ready for IVF, get glucose tolerance test.  Am a miniscule point or two away from being pre-diabetic.
• Take time off, quit smoking, quit caffeine, start eating healthy, quit regular pepsi ( my downfall).
• Everyone on the planet gets pregnant.  Contemplating petitioning facebook to change their name to fertilebook.

2012

• Get back to RE, say "suit me up, coach".
• Re-take glucose test, get A+.  Hooray for learning to cook.
• June, IVF.  Poor fertilization (1 embryo) ends in mother effing chemical pregnancy.
• In December, Dr. Kickass gets Bubba into a super shnazzy sperm test to see if he's missing a protein - he is!  Answers!

2013

• IVF #2 planned and we're adding Bub's missing protein to petrie dish.  Gettin sci-fi, ya'll.
• Re-getting my shit together (weight loss, no more ambien) to healthy myself up.
• IVF #2 September/October.
• 20 eggs, first day 14 mature - NONE fertilize.
• Eggs that had extra day to mature: two fertilize! Miracle!
• Embryos make it to day 5 (MIRACLE), frozen
• FET in November
• November 30: BFP
• Baby Heisenberg (a girl!) due August 13, 2014

2014

• Holy shit balls we had a baby. Heisenberg is a stone cold weirdo and we love her so much.