Badass Raccoon Shit

Happy Wednesday, Chiquita Bananas!

May I just say that my Monday (and part of my Tuesday) was mother freaking awesome - awesome I tell you! - because of you all and the vlogs.  I am a fairly brave person and it is a scary, scary concept of putting your face on the internet (even temporarily) with all it's pock marks and bugaboos for people to gawk at.  I bow in the face of your awesomeness.

It was magical.  It was like getting permission to search through someone's underwear drawer.  Totally satisfying to the peeping-tom spirit and delightfully dirty somehow.

So first, thank you to Miss Jenn over at Future Fords who gave me the idea - she's doing writing prompts (which I have to catch up on) and casually snuck in a video request on one of the days.  So a big thanks to her for letting me go from "that bitch is crazy" to "wait, this is kind of liberating" to "she is brilliant!" and thus knocking me up with the idea of doing this in the first place.

And an even bigger thank you to everyone who participated - for totally making my week, first of all, and secondly for being a bunch of fucking reproductive badasses all around.

We're going to do this again, maybe in a month or so (should we do the same kind of free for all questions?  Should there be a theme?) and PS, some of the vlogs got up a little late so it's worth checking the list again (I'll post it at the end of this bad boy).

And you there - yes you -  you're going to join us next time. I've done the macarena in a t-shirt celebrating an all nude Golden Girls art opening.... you can't outdo me in the weird department, I can only make you look good.  Join the badass movement.

In other news, there's a demon living in my shed.

Some helpful information in comprehending this:

1. I go scary movie crazy during the month of October.  I'm not a total horror freak usually, though it does hold a dark, weird spot in my heart.. That being said, it's completely masochistic because they still scare the crap out of me (ask Sunny, she will attest to this).
2. Of course I don't really believe there's something awful in my shed... right?  That's crazy.
3. I have a shed.

I live in a house that was built in the... 50s?  Anyhoo.  Only one couple has ever lived here prior to us, they bought it new and died in the house.  ( Don't panic - semi-natural deaths, it's not like they hung from the chandelier or anything).

We've been here 3 years. We bought the house because for the price it was large, and it's in an awesome neighborhood.  The interior was not new or remodeled.  Evidently the previous couple (who from all accounts were totally lovely) did all their decorating in the 70s and stuck with it.  Carpet on the floor, wood on the walls, a built in bar, and my office used to have mauve carpeting.  Suffice it to say, though I love the 70s not exactly our taste - so we moved in and did a lot of renovations.

Anyhow, the previous gentleman who lived here made a lot of the wood stuff with his bare hands.  So when we redid things (and it's still an ongoing project - our kitchen is a travesty) I didn't feel right about throwing everything out.  So right now, for example, I'm sitting at a wood table that he made, and some of the stuff we took apart instead of getting rid of it I put in the shed.. which we don't really use.

ANYHOO.

Only a few 'weird' things have happened which I will share with you... There's a tiny window in our attic (which I will never, ever go into - good luck with that, Bubba).  It occasionally opens and closes itself.  One day we were sitting in the living room, and heard a ticking coming from the attic.  Bubba goes up and has to go waaaaay deep into it, and some christmas light timer thing from the 60s had turned itself on.  So does, on occasion, the attic fan.  You can't turn it on or off.. it just does it by itself every once in awhile, and definitely doesn't follow any heat pattern.

Again, I've been bulking up on horror movies to try and get in the Halloween Spirit.  So it is bad timing that the door to my shed (which should in theory, be locked) keeps opening itself and closing itself.  I will close it,  the door is stuck, I will wake up the next morning and it's wide open.  This is the 3rd day in a row.  I am hoping this is just a family of raccoon locksmiths.

And now, from where I'm sitting in my backyard, I swear I can see a face (which I'm rationalizing has to be a trick-o-the-eye with insulation and the sun, right?).  It is so ludicrously clear that I was completely going to attempt to get a picture for you... but I fear, if this were a horror movie, when the chubby girl home alone picks up her phone and slowly approaches the shed-face to get a better look through her view finder, that would be the point where we would all shout at the screen "What the fuck are you doing you moron?!?"

I am Jenny.  I am part badass part chicken shit.  It will be a relief if my shed is full of raccoon shit.

**EDIT - after reading the first few comments on this I have a Stork request!  (I know, I know - you're exhausted from my last one).  Can everyone please at some point write a blog post about their paranormal experiences?  I'm getting a tiny taste of just a few and dying to hear more. (I have one that I'll share that makes me sound totally insane, if that's any incentive).  I feel that'll get us in the Halloweeny mood and help me hurl myself into a total paranormal breakdown. 

Now go check to see if you missed any, lovelies - some got up late.  Far better than watching horror movies, I tell you.

Lisa at (Still) Trying to Conceive

K at Our Growing Gardunn 

Cat at Already in my heart

EmHart at Follow Every Rainbow

Aspgriswold at Growing Griswolds

Jenny at Sprout

LeslieGail at My Hormonacoaster

B at A Work in Progress

Hapa Hopes at Hapa Hopes

Bridget at Iydkmigthtky

Kristin at Return to Go

Jenn at The Future Fords

Arwen Rose at MRKH Musings

Kitty Belle at The Hopeful Journey

Slese1014 at Mommyhood after Fertility Frustration

Stork Chaser at Dog Mom Chasing the Stork

Janet at Just A Little Off Kilter

SM at Unexplained Rantings   (password: magical toes)

Sunny at Cease And Decyst

Belle at Scrambled Eggs

Sharon at Ova Achiever